After a theepeat of pussy teams, which saw two Ls and one W, and that was a seven point win over Brisbane, its now onto the Saints. My Dad mentioned the Saints were gonna bring there A game for us, so I wasn/t overly confident we would win this, even though heaps of people told me otherwise. Of my mates I think St Kilda would probably be the team most representative. I will say this bout Saints fans there always the most optimistic fans round. Ive never heard a Saints fan say this is gonna be a shit year, there always looking on the bright side. I don/t know if thats loyalty or being delusional. Theres a Second hand office furniture shop on South Road Moorabbin near the ground of the same name, and it says go Saints out the front with whatever year it is. Again is it loyalty or delusional? Do they think the saints will win the flag that year or do they need to remind themselves what year it is? After driving past this business for years I ended up aving beers with the owner of this joint at the Elsternwick RSL. He told me the business was franchised and when he was my age (27 at the time I think) he was married kids and made seven figures. He asked about me. I said well Im aving a beer now, ill probably ave another one later. Might even light a fag, Im pretty sure I did. He kept asking what my ambitions and hopes where but kept coming back to him, he wasn/t interested in helping me or getting me on some career path, he just wanted to measure his cock next to mine and brag bout it. Eventually the GO SAINT sign came up. I asked him if hed ever seen a Saint flag. He said no. He asked if id seen a flag and I just said 2010 and left him with that. I didn/t ave a ruler to measure and I think we won on points, but I won that round.
For the first time this season im going to the game live. Its been a wild weekend so far. Kid Congo Powers at the new Caravan Club, Friday at the Tote for the Grindhouse LP launch. Was lucky enough to catch up with two of the best blokes I know, Joe and Johnny of Bitter Sweet kicks fame at the Tote. Ive always got time for them. Years ago before the community cup (COME BACK TO ELSTERNWICK) I met Johnny at the Street Bar before the game so I could be drunk by noon before I got to the game. I was wearing a Pies and Megahertz scarf, Johnny told me can you be any more of a cunt. Im going in with Saints fans GG and Bernie (two legs). Again, I always got time for them. GGs mate Scott is with us. Hes wearing a Pies scarf, I don/t know the man but I like him off the bat. Bernie is making a call, Saints up at half time, GG predicts he/ll be checking tram tracker at three quarter time, while Cal predicts a Saints victory. We/re running late, and we/re amazed at how little people are on their way to the game. Few years ago a Pies-Saints game was guaranteed 50,000. This time it was round 33,000. Do people hate going these days? Or is it that fucking wedding everyones watching? Walking in theres a bloke for some reason in a tennis chair saying the game has started, Bernie says 30-love. Theres a bucks party, or just a bunch of wankers watching the game outside on the big screen. And the live site thing? I don/t get that either. If you/re not at the game id rather be at the pub. Am I so out of touch? No its the children who are wrong. Im an MCC member and rarely go to the Dome, so I gotta buy a ticket. How the fuck to normal people do this? There was three people ahead of me but still took ages for them to sort shit out. This is painful, im just sticking to walking into the G from now on. I bump into my fellow Fred Negro Footy Mouth Ranter Dicko. He is also livid re the tickets. Cant wait to see his summary of the game. Finally with tixs Bernie says the Pies ave missed one shot while the Saints two. I see a bloke wearing a Lions Scarf. Hes not six so thats unacceptable. We go to the bar to watch the rest of the first half. As we walk in Brownlow goals to cheers, they love this man as do i. But Saints get a free not long after and Saints are up 20-15. Bernie says its the best performance the Saints ave played all year. Some Saints fans scream at the telly hey Collingwood show us ya teeth and also inform the players to get off the methadone. If where gonna talk flaws in teams should I mention there treatment of women in the last few years? Saints miss a shot, Bern and GG talk how the goal kicking has hurt them this year. Langdon does a tackle but pinned for in the back, ive missed him doing that, but the saints mess it up when a player runs the wrong way, he gets to our 50 he turns round. Saints goal and its 23-20. Big Coxs misses as Saints fans chant USA USA USA. I like that one actually.
Saints came out and played a great quarter of footy. We go to the standing room area. You should always stand at the footy. Like pubs its better to stand then sit. Thank fuck we got outta the pub as the royal wedding was on. Bill Maher summed it up perfectly, a B Grade actress marrying a bloke that will never be king. Woppdy do. As far as im concerned the royals just stand and wave and take flowers off little girls. I wonder how many of those medals Harry really earned. And yes im all for love, but not when it cost several million dollars out of the public pocket. I find love at the Balaclava this arvo and that suites me fine. But it is a shame leaving the bar as its the only place you can get full strength beer and you cant take it to your seat. A bloke tries to and another bloke tells him no in a weird voice. Not sure if it too much heroin or ice that gives him that voice. Im standing next to the Saints version of Joffa, a bloke in a Saints suite. I wish I could set him on fire he annoys me so much. He said lets go for percentage in the second quarter. Mind you I probably say it, but when someone other than Collingwood says it im annoyed. . Anyway the Shag has a shot and misses. Shortly he leaves and not seen for awhile. I think the money ran out. Howe does a great punch but why the fuck didn/t he mark it. Thankfully the Gooster picks up for a great goal to take us within two points. Im standing near another pub called the Garden Gate. Looks awful, bunch of people drinking with no interested in the game. The kind of people that love the races but know nothing bout the sport, i.e. the worst people ever. . The Gooster is given in the back which leads to a saints goal. Dean Rices son gets in his first play, he gives away a free. The Gooster kicks a goal and he gets his threepeat. Pies down 40-30. Again, I think the Gooster was a dickhead for what he did at the start of the season and never would I condone what he did but hopefully the punishment was the foot up the arse he needed. Hes been in great form since he returned. Bernie pulls out his binoculars, this is a serious footy watcher. Looks like the Saints will go into the break with the lead, Bernie was right, but he says his big prediction is coming up. . Someone says Crocker has the worst haircut in Collingwood history. Big Call. Saints mark thirty meters out but its a floater and its a point. The Hyphen takes a beautiful shot, but Cox rushes it. He cant grab a mark today. The Saints take the ball up the other end and a saints fan is standing by himself and goals. For fuck sake thats the second goal that got via a bloke standing by himself, they never fucking learn. Fas playing his first game of the season but looks like has rolled his ankle and thats the last we see of him, sadly I think that was his first touch. Hopefully he returns soon. Last roll of the dice for the Pies. We go 50 but they kick to a Saints bloke standing by himself and that takes us to the main break.
We go out for a smoke ad Bernies big prediction? A Draw. Third quarter starts with the Saints going forward. Bernie says he/ll miss. Sadly hes wrong as the Pies are down by Seven. EMF play with that your unbelievable song and fake banging of the rails playing, like WCW did with the Goldberg chants. I remember when they played the Sunyboys and God before the game. I want that DJ back. Shoehorn isn/t happy as Cox drops another mark but he does bowl over two players. Then comes some of the worst umpiring ive seen all year, and it all landed in our favour. Sidie is pinned and clearly dropping the ball, but Phillips crums and goals. The Saints fans are gonna riot. When it dies a pipe in with GO PIES, looks like i/ll be the first thrown to the Lions. The Gooster goes to mark but is spoiled from behind, a perfect defensive play but the Saints are done for in the back. Three in a row to the pies and and Adams does a perfect tackle on a Saint player in their 50, the same call in our 50 and he is given a free. The Saints fans are gonna burn the place down now. The Saints get one back but they go to the review, even though it looked never in doubt it was a goal. If its reversed there gonna run on the ground but the golal stands. Son of Rowdy scores and he does the CM Punk go to sleep thing, and we see his legendry father in the stands. We see on the TV Sam Newman and Rex Hunt in the same box, two people I never want to hear from again. Thank fuck im not watching at the pub and am free of hearing James Brayshaws shit calls and whoooos. Scot calls the Hyphen the Hyphen, hes learning. . Phillips goals to take it to 79-57. And again Cox cant mark. The Shag is given a free, hes back and gets a touch. The Matrix is aving a great game, again fuck you Mike Sheahan for saying hes not an A list player. A beautiful kick from the Hyphen to the Gooster sees him goal to take us to the last break
Three quarter Time
We start with another Gooster special but he doesn/t goal. Ben Long misses and the Saints fans standing in front of us our outta here and GG checks tram tracker. The Royal wedding is brought up. Scott says his wedding was better, and GG says his two were better. Not much happened this quarter. Both teams kick a goal each. Some of the worst skill level ive seen all year. Phillips cops an elbow, I want weeks for that action. Stephens gets a tap, cant remember the last first year rookie we had that has had such an impact straight up. Only a few games and hes been a solid contributor the whole time. Although he does do those fucking dribble kicks, and does it from 30 meters out and of course misses. We see the Saints suite bloke talk to Joffa not wearing his jacket. And thats when I stop taking notes
St Kilda 72.
After the game me GG and Bernie head back to St Kilda to see Andy Kentler. They discuss the state of the Saints and how they cant kick in front of goal and what a stoopid move it was to move to Seaford. Even I could ave told em that. Andy Kentler plays a great set and its off to home for popcorn and Get Smart.
As me mate Brett Funnell told me on Saturday, he hates it when people say we needed that goal. When did you even not need a goal? Same thing with the Pies, we needed the win but then when did we not need a win. Hypehn was ace, Stephens gets better and better, the Gooster was brilliant with six major. Lets see how we go when we go West for Freo. Terry O’ Leary, you in?
Im Matt Ryan and ast least I aint Danny Frawley.
And fuck the Royal Wedding. Call me a hater or whatever but a bunch of spoilt private school kids that never worked a proper day in there life and live off the taxpayer and look down on normal people are lesser people. Fuck those guys.