Round 18 v North

Happy Birthday GG, Rich, Angela, Megan, Steve and of course Pete


The Pies failed to fire next week, and with the reigning champs and trips to Sydney and Port next month we cannot afford to lose today. And we can/t afford another game without Pete not sitting with us and without a table. Im surprised North has gotten this far, then again its not your average season, anything can happen just like today. The Tigers showed how good they were on Friday over the Saints. I loved BT saying the Saints are coming off a win while the tigers are coming off a loss, as if they had a chance in Hell to win. After the Tigers  win the night before we need to make a statement.  Like Jason did in Jason Takes Manhattan. He showed what he could do on his home turf of Crystal Lake but could he perform interstate. I think his kill tally for that movie showed he can. Nature Boy Moore is a late out with Daicos Jr taking his spot.  Can the pies get a W? Will be ave a table? how long will it take for Brad Scott to cry? I cant wait to find out all three.


After some pissing round the home for the second week in a row, which was mostly me trying to find a working lighter (I did find a box of matches promoting the Vineyard but found one match in it. And it was burned) I again find myself running to the Balaclava. The footy is the only circumstance I will ever run for. As I want to get there in time I play the Whitlams on my phone, that way i/ll run faster so don/t need to hear Tim Freemans references to Sydney that mean nothing to me and give me another reason not to go there again. I walk in and see our Fearless Leader Fred with a lady that frequents the place a bit. And thankfully WE GOT A TABLE THIS WEEK. I see we/re one point down as I join our CEO Pete also in line for a beer. While waiting one of our favorites Dole Cheque goals to take us 6-1. The wait for a beer was painful but finally we got to the table as we witness Dole Cheque goal again and on track for a threepeat. Sandy Roberts says the Pies ave settled in. I hope not theres still three and a half quarters of football left to play. Shit free to Chris Tarrants brother sees him kick straight kick to Majak. With a body and height like that its hard to see how anyone can beat him and for us unfortunately Scharenberg with the lot is no match for him in this contest, but thankfully for us he posts it. From the kick in a great kick to my boy the Hyphen to Crisp straight to the Gooster as the Pies kick three straight. Even after our gooster celebration the lady with us still sticks round. Three cha cha chas in round five minutes. Get the feeling todays gonna be alright as we see professional crybaby Brad Scott sook for the first time today. After the restart Daicos Jr to the Shag for his first touch today, he passes to Murray as he has a run through the middle as Hyphen takes a mark of the year contender as the Pies are on a roll 24-3 as we bang elbows for the first time today. We manage to get the order down pat. Varcoe takes a top mark, we missed him during the season, great aving him back in the side. Maynard G Krebs picks up the scraps but Sidie gets a free passes to the Hyphen back to Sidie, off to Cox who can/t mark but Greenwood takes advantage as the Pies go five straight as Brad Scoot looks pouty, 30-3. After the bounce the ball goes straight to Dole Cheque as he gets his threepeat 36-3 as this looks like a pantsing for the Roos. Ripping snap from Sidie to Dole Cheque as Dwayne Russell says about the Dole Cheque who knew he could play? Everyone but you Dwayne? How much do you earn for those comments? GGs glasses walk in with GG behind them. Roos go to their 50 for the first time in ages but an amazing tap from the Samurai to see it out of the square and out of bounce but a shit free sees that the roos ave a shot from 30 out and goal as Dwayne Russell says the Roos ave now settled despite being four goals down. What a flog. Brown can/t mark as Maynard G Krebs kicks it five meters to a roos player as they get their second off that. Stick to bongos you bloody beatnik (specking of beatniks Jack Kerouac was overrated. There I said it).We manage to get one back before smoko as Adams goals as we see Scott cry again.


Quarter Times

Collingwood 44

North 15


As crybaby Scott is being interviewed me and Fred discuss the great week we/ve had as Viceland has showing the first eight Friday the 13th films. I admit part six was actually not awful, and how I had to put up with Alice Coopers boy band period at the end credits. I love Alice but that late 80s era was just terrible. I mention how theres always an authority figure that ends up getting killed like that mean teachers in Jason takes Manhattan. We laugh at the product placement of Fosters in the Manhattan episode. Me and Fred were texting the whole time, and discussed future sequels such as Jason takes Dingley, Jason takes Chad, Jason takes Number 96, and my favorite Jason takes Mad Matty of Balaclava fame. Speaking of which Mad Matty walks past being a Melbourne supporter he should be in the snow. Stephenson out of the scrummage scores 50-15. Start over Sier marks in the Roos 50 Cox hits it off to the Shag who gives off to the Samurai  as he kicks yours truly 56-15. Fred gives Samurai another nickname. Another nickname was the barista, I forget what nickname was given to him today but the man has bout ten nicknames already I can/t keep up. The Shag does a great tackle, I swear we/ll tear the roof off when he kicks a goal. Howe takes a great mark against Majak but the roos get the ball back and they keep passing backwards as im starting to think Brad Scott fooled his way into that job as Brown eventually gets it, as my mind explodes watching this fucking run up. I don/t like it. Anyway he goals. We get a 50 the Shag to Scharenberg with the lot as sidie passes to Greenwood, thumping tackle from Majak as Brown marks again as Bucks aint happy as Gordon joins us as we endure another fucking run up from Brown. This run up was from the nosebleed section. I could ave gotten a beer in that time. Surely this has to be looked at, its just ridiculous. Its bad enough I gotta put up with Dwayne Russel but now this?. The Gooster marks as Sandy  says this get back on track 62-28. Maynard G Krebs marks as Dwayne Russel says he aint seen much of him. I believe him as with his commentary style I can believe he sees fuck all footy. Majak misses but gets a goal straight away. Varcoe to Thomas to big Cox. Hes 45 out so this could be anything but the kick looks magnificent as Fred throws a spanner with the hi 5s by raising his hands to the air. God we need this camp. 69-36. Sandy says the next three minutes are crucial. What the other 17 weren/t? Mark from Screwdriver hes 50 out passes off to Mr Reliable Stephenson, after two bad kicking weeks hes in form as we go 75-36. Dwayne says the result is important for twelve teams. Yeah I know the ladders tight but ten teams? And just this game? Hes worse than BT.  The Gooster off to the Hyphen with 40 seconds to go and my boy didn/t let me down as it was never in doubt as I go smash a superking.

Half Time

Collingwood 81

North 36


I ask GG if its his birthday tomorrow and he says it is, just like Petes is also on Sunday. The Roos ave a shot as the cameraman has the Shag in front of the bloke kicking for goal. I ave no issues with this. He goals I think. I cheer as Dwayne says Brad Scott is not happy. Langdon to Varcoe to the Gooster, he cant mark but outta nowhere comes back and goals 87-37. As we see a reply of Pigeongate as Matrix bounces a ball on a poor pigeons head as John and Bernie joins us. Bernie says the pigeon will sells its story to Womens Weekly. Headlines like Me and Pendlebury ave history will be all over the Sunday Papers.Adams to Sidie as Stephenson gets a free, Sandy doesn/t know its Stephenson or the Gooster and doesn/t bother finding out which one it is. GG sees Stephensons ball handling when he runs up and laughs but stops when he kicks straight 93-37. We see what resulted in the free which was an elbow hitting Stephenson faces as Dermott says there was no malice in that even though the roos bloke came flying in, Dermott says he was just trying to move him. With an elbow to the face? As a thug hed know all bout that, as Gordon tells me to move my beer as we don/t want it spilled with the cha cha chas as theres been plenty today. Pigeongate is brought up again as GG mentions how when Port entered the comp in 1997 and they wanted to be the Pies they should ave been the Pigeons as the Gooster posts it. Thomas has a free as Gooster marks as Dwayne says gee he saving fun. Expert commentary right there. .Howe takes another mark of the year contender as we see North has a Shag of their own but of course has nothing on ours. Shit free sees North score a goal as Dwayne says they cut the margin to 51 like thats gettable. Murray to the Samurai to Sidie sees it straight to the Roos. Great hit from Thomas to Stephenson to the Gooster but he looked like he didn/t want to mark it even though he flew up. Just odd. Varcoe picks it up but also freaks out and misses what should ave been an easy goal. Another Roos player goes off on blood rule as Dermott says does/t take much to bleed, again something hed know about.  Majak marks 20 out as Sandy says he/ll kick this as David King praises Sandy for that call. I hate all this pumping each others tiers. No wonder need I smoke.


3 quarter time

Collingwood 95

North 49


Dole cheque gets us off to a good start as we see Eddie in the crowd, Dwayne says hed be reasonably happy. Roos bloke has free 35 from our goals and kicks backwards as he scores a point for us as Scott looks like hes gonna throw the toys out the coat. Hyphen goals and with extra people here banging elbows is getting harder and harder. 108-49. Straight away the Screwdriver goals 114-50 as this has turned out to be a top day. The Hyphen marks as we freak out, what the fuck is the order for the Hyphen celebration. Hi 5, click, induvial hyphen (bang elbow) then the all in cha cha cha. GG throws a snapper in the works by saying we should do a group Hyphen. Anyway he misses so we bang pinkies instead. Samurai and Sidie both miss. GG says lets not discuss last nights game and I say fine lets talk bout this game on now. Gooster goals 123-50. As the live ladder says where second, but roos goals straight away as where probably back to third. Daicos misses but Thomas Goals, thank you Dan Watts as ive called it with four minutes to go, we/re gonna run away with it. Brown has another ridiculous run up but misses. Got what he deserves. Another Roos bloke has a shot as Dwayne says can he get a consolation prize. I see you lose by ten goals but a last minute goal is some sort of minor reward. God I want BT back next week. Scott crys. Probably, there was no footage but im sure thats what he did.


Game over

Collingwood 130

North 64


With the reigning premiers next week this was the win we needed. No team has an easy draw until September and one loss could fuck up a seasons work. With some of the results this week i.e. the Suns over the Swans im expecting the unexpected. The Tigers ave been the standout team all year and while they aven/t fired interstate they are the team to beat and considering they aven/t lost at the G in ages this week could be Mission Impossible. To our advantage we ave the goal kickers to do it, I just worry with Dunn out we may not ave the talls up back. Cant remember the last time the pies and tigers played when both were in contention for the flag. And its on a Saturday arvo, really the only time footy should be played.

All in all top day and sess, hopefully we can get some exclusive from the pigeon. Or get a photo of Matrix shaking hands with the pigeon. Hopefully no Dwayne or Sandy on the blower next week, never thought id want BT back. Also hopefully we can get the hyphen celebration down pat. I/ll be at the Balaclava for training tonight.


Posted on Leave a comment

Leave a Reply