Round 20 v Sydney

Happy Birthday Ollie and Sally.

Im jumping the gun, or as Fred would say, blowing my load too soon by saying Tom Lynch welcome to Collingwood. I/ll see you at the Balaclava for training, and also introduce you to the POW at next years St Kilda Festival.

With a hard run to September its gonna be hard to stay in the four. We usually ave a good record in Sydney so hopefully that will stick tonight. Also the big Budweiser is not in form so im hoping that will remain the same as well tonight. No buddy no swans.

After an ace afternoon at Off the Hip for a show that was curated by yours truly (check out the Matty Munster Rock Jurno section for a full write up off the day during the week) I head back to St Kilda and stop at the Balaclava for tea. The nice barmaid asks why im wearing a sailors hat. Shes asks if its a kink. Thats a discussion is for another blog. None of the crew can make it and no Mad Rad behind the bar so I decided my couch is where i/ll watch the game. I grab chips dip and a bottle of coke and head home.

JB, Jude Bolton Richo Darc are in the callers box tonight. These guys are like Roy and HG without the wit and humor. Also welcome to the new face in hell, Jack Madgen who is blooded tonight.

We are told the Dole Cheque is donning the 23 as he left his jumper at home. Youd think they could ave pulled one from the crowd and iron on the number like me ma would do when I was younger. Richo says gee hope hes not Superstitious, to which no one in the box can be bothered answering

As im getting the coke in the fridge I hear Darce Scream Franklin. Ah geez, looks like he showed up tonight. He didn/t against the Suns but he does for us. And of course he doesn/t miss. Sidie to Adams as Cox goes forward, off to Daicos to Varco and its one all. Straight to the forward line as Sidie is paid for holding as we are told that that Richie Cunningham is playing his 100 game. Throw up in the forward line to Samurai to Crisp kick to a pack no mark the Shag to Sidie and random kick leads to nothing. Swans turn over to Langdon to Dole Cheque but the kick is smothered. Nature Boy Moore passes to Madgen, to Dole Cheque to the Hyphen to Varco and Varco is going for a three peat. 13-6 as Richo says geez hed be feeling good. He also mentioned  Madgen and mentions his basketball background, and Richo tells us he would probably prefer playing with a round ball. Im no sure if thats a joke or a statement but again he gets crickets from the box.  Swans go forward, Nature Boy Moore looks like hes been given the task on the Budweiser. Good call as he beats him. Theres plenty of Goal kickers these days, but Franklin is for my money the last of the classic full forwards. In the 90s we had Locket, Dunstall, Carey, Ablett , Modra and my hero Sav Rocca, then in the last ten years it seems the position is null. Of all the major forwards Franklin is the only one I can see playing in the old days. You think Jack Riewoldt would be a bag kicker in the 80s. I doubt it. Swans recoup and kick on the full. Darce says Landgon would be happy. Are him and Richo reading from a script? Budweiser has a shot but misses  wired volleyball style tap from the Samurai to Cox to the Shag as he hits the post. Fuck the money I want him dragged, delisted I want him traded to my old mob the Parkdale Vultures. Swans take it up there end, loose ball 20 meters out from the Swans goal, Maynard G Krebbs taps the ball and runs for the ball as it ball goes over for the line for a minor but the fucking cunt umpire calls it deliberate. What the fuck was Krebbs meant to do? It wasn/t a point he was going for, sure he had the distance against him but if he picked the ball up he probably would ave been tackled, what the fuck was he meant to do. So Budweiser gets a free from ten out and as if he was even gonna miss. As Buddy celebrates Darce asks for Richos opinion as if its important what he thinks, but mercifully they cut to commercial. After the break Richo makes the claim that it was harsh but in the rules, even though hes struggling to put two words together. Richo you aint that good looking so your neither on the boundary the looks or brains, so why are you employed by Seven? Richo also tries to mentioned a hypothetical. Please don/t think it aint your strong point. Anyway scores are leveled. But fuck all that as we go forward straight away as Varco gets three on the trot, give that man the salt and pepper shakers. 19-13. I run to the kitchen to get my fags as I hear JB say Budweiser is out. I run to see if hes hurtf but by out me means he out of the pack as he fucking gets his threepeat. What a cunt JB is. Daicos to Krebbs to Cox and he is given a free for being hold. And fuck me, Darce says something I agree with. He says Cox is denied free kicks because of his height. THANK YOU DARCE. But he ruins it by asking Richos thoughts. Its a really low kick and it looks like it wont make it but by a bees dick it does. Some cunt swans player is in that goal umpires face, the goal umpire with the bug eyes. They go to the review and its clearly a goal fuck sake. Cheats you Swans are, what a cunt getting in the umps face like he has some authority. Aliir Aliir does a great Shepard. This kid has come from nowhere and is really learning the game quickly. He could be something. Swans ave the ball in their 50 as Matrix does a clean tackle and gets a free for holding, still an A lister you knob Mike Sheahan. We/re told we/ve lost Jude Bolton as if thats an issue. We see Budweiser take an amazing one handed mark that is incredible. What a shame he took it after the siren.

Quarter time

Collingwood 25

Swans 20

As we go to break we cut to the fucking whats on the players ipod. Matrix has some awful band called the Weekend. I love ya Matrix but so lame.

We see the dying second of the Showdown as controversy over the Crows winning goal. Was it a goal or a poster? All I know is my good mate Nick Haines is happy and cunts David Koch and Ken Hinkley are upset so im happy. Thomas is 70 out kicks to open area as Daicos picks it up, to the hyphen to Dole Cheque but can/t hang on, Hyphen to Dole Cheque again to Thomas out on the full. He needs to go back to the POW.  Judes back. Great. Adams to Madgen but intercepted to Screwdriver as Nick Smith has the ball and bounces which goes all wobbly which greatly amused JB. Hey you know nothing bout football you need to provide us with something. JB says its like he went to take the stairs and didn/t know what to do. He thought of a metaphor but forgot what he was on about. . Swans go 50 Budweiser is given a free, turnover to Samurai as Mr Reliable Stephenson marks but nothing kick. . Free to Screwdriver, short kick to Daicos bizarre kick to Daicos but goal comes from it 32-20. Murray kicks to open area with no one there and results in a Swans goal. After the restart swans go straight up but turn over to Sidie leads to another goal 39-27. The Samurai wins the tap out, screwdriver to hyphen to Thomas to the samurai bang 45-27. Swans bomb from the square as Screwdriver punches the ball from Budweiser as buddys not happy. Swans go 50 as Swans bloke goes for a screamer but fails to mark. JB is out of his chair but sits down as when he released he blew his load too soon. Darce mentions something and JB says good thing he didn/t mark. As he said that the pies are going 50. Had he marked they would ave a shot and run out the half. Again you know nothing bout footy….


Some piss farting aroundin the Pies 50 leads to nothing and half time

Collingwood 45

Swans 26

Jarrod McVeighs ipod song is Coldplay. Its like they want people to not like em.

Swans come out swinging and score straight away. Cox misses from 35 out as Nature Boy Moore is out for the game with another hammy issue. Budweiser marks as Richo says Buddy is a man that has, pauses, kicked a lot of goals. Again why is this man employed? By some if his comments it seems like the only role this man should ave in show business is being shot outta a cannon. The Shag to Daicos to Stephenson to Shag again to Adams centers to no one over the line.  Swans again are looking for Budweiser  but no dice. Varco handballs to Swans player, high bump the Shag connects with Swans bloke, that bloke needs a week off and may get it courtesy the tribunal. Budweiser marks in the 50 as bucks aint happy. Since Moores gone off Madgan is on Buddy. Hey Bucks, maybe take the first gamer off the best forward in the game. Even fucking Richo agrees. But Richo calls the poor bastard the first gamer all. Richo, you didn/t think to ask the bloke in the crowd for the footy record and see his name? Of course buddy goals. Scores leveled. The Shag has another shot, second in two weeks, and AGAIN fucking poster. Up the other end. Fucking Buddy, you realize hes winning em the game Bucks? He posts too. We/re bout to run out the quarter as turn over happens Budweiser marks but some arseclown ump gives a 50. Buddy shot after the siren. I aint even gonna bother to type what happens.


Three quarter time

You can look up the score as I forgot to write it down.

What does Big Cox ave on his ipod? Oh for fuck sake, Born in the USA.

Last quarter starts badly, ITS ALL THE Swans. I was talking to my housemate Vandanna so didn/t write down many notes. We/re down by three goals as Cox misses from 30 out and I say fuck this im gonna see Ron Pean and Cam Butler at the Vineyard.  I pop my head in the RSL for the end score and what the fuck it was two points. People at the Vinny telling me the last few minutes and I don/t wanna hear it. GG is here with his glasses, he screams No pies. At least my team didn/t get flogged like the Saints did. After an ace set from Ron and Cam Mr DJ plays Lust for Life, when the chorus happens GG screams in my ear Loss for Pies. i/ll give him that one.

Not sure what to make of it. Sure nine of our best our out but a two point loss after winning by 19 points at the main break is disappointing. And while I love the shoehorn it wasn/t his best move putting a first gamer on the big Budweiser. Moore was aving difficulty on Bud so Madgen had no hope. Swans played well but after a great second quarter was poor we couldn/t maintain that for the rest of the game. Unfortunately for us the Budweiser was full strength and not Bud Lite. I laughed when the Swans gave him a ten year deal but when he plays games like he did tonight hes worth every cent. Unlike 90% of commentators and experts to does deserve the big bucks.

Onto Brisbane next week for a must win game, another Saturday night game, means we won/t ave the usual crew all assembled. Just hope I can get the table at the Balaclava again. I really don/t like change.


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