Semi Final v Giants

Now. The Pies were fine but not good enough against the Eagles so now we gotta play this week. No more room for losers after this round. can the Pies slay the giants. The Sun called us Giant Killers on the front page during the week. They/ve called it and im going with that. The Dees ave the week off and their biggest fan (that I know of) Mad Matty is barred from the Balaclava for the time being. Hope he gets in before grand final. I should start some campaign like save matty or something. Well he aint dying so maybe not save Matty. Help Matty? Theres other pubs (one literally next door) so no need for help. Ah fuck it, just hope his suspensions runs out soon.

Pregame I find myself at Yellowbird with Amy and Sean. I always got time for them. Amys been an amazing supporter of Munster with her brilliant front covers shes done over the years. Very pleased to know her. While we/ve had many different contributors in the past, shes the only other person I consider on team Munster, if such I thing exists. After the bird I walk to the Balaclava as GG (with glasses) gets outta car. It was some sequel to UBER the car he used. Every time a mate has caught an UBER a gate follows so id rather just walk. We walk into the Bala with plenty of time before the bounce. The nice lady behind the bar tells me shes getting a tattoo sleeve on her left arm to match the one on her right. She grabs a schooner glass and says VB I say its like you/ve known me all my life. I inform Ken GO PIES to which he sighs with if you say so as Pete enters. We look at the lights and think GG needs to fix this but one of the staff yanks em out. Again its like they/ve known us forever. Pete says Maynard G Krebbs will do a number on that shitkicker Toby Greene. Me and GG smash a fag before the start and its taken forever but we finally got Razor Ray in charge. As BT says fastest whistle in the old west. We run in side and 36 second in Thomas goal and we/re off, Rich tells me that was a quick start. Krebbs after the restart to Sidie to Cox handball to Brownlow the Gooster marks  plays on no ones round Screwdriver soccers and would ave been goal of the year buts its a point. The Shitkicker had been roughed up. Good. He should ave got a week for that fucking kick last week. Jack Riewoldt defended his actions on 360 during the week. Shit blokes looking out for each other hey? Pete says put Greenwood on him, as Pete says he towelled up Dusty. Just like what hes gonna do next week. Hyphen to the Gooster to Thomas crumbs it to Dole Cheque hes taken round the neck hands off to the Samurai back to Krebbs Aish to Cox but he still cant fucking mark. Giants go 50 but Screwdriver hold it up kicks to Matrix to Cox handballs to the man of the moment the Sack. What a game he played last week after doing his ACL. Love my boy. Brownlow marks as GG takes out a second light as Samurai hands it off to the Gooster, another miss.  Giants kick straight to Thomas. 35 straight in front. Never in doubt. 15-0. The Gooster is in the rooms as now Richo has decided hes a doctor making a diagnosis on the Gooster despite not knowing what his issue is. Samurai frees Screwdriver is taken from behind short kick to Aish Sier to Samurai again goes wide to the Hyphen Dole Cheque to Screwdriver shit kick lands in Giants hand but the Shag gets it back off to Krebbs Aish to Cox. He doesn/t hold the mark but hes paid it. Bout 55 out he cant make the distance Sier manages to snap a point. There not calling it a crucial point just yet Sier kicks to a giants who go to their 50 but Cameron misses. Howe kicks to Cameron from the kick in so he pretty much has another shot straightaway, but he does this weird run which I don/t know how it wasn/t called play on. Get what he deserved with a miss. Howe to the Shag Langdon marks to Sidie as we see a fucking clock on how long the Gooster has been on the bench. Its seven minutes in. IN THE FUCKING FIRST QUARTER. I guess Lingy and Richo know so little bout special comments they need to give them something else to do, like watch an alleged injured man on the bench. . Brownlow minors 17-2 Richo is giving goal kicking advice because he was Mr reliable in his day. Even Richmond fans sighed whenever he had a shot.  Lingy says the Pies should ave had the game won by now. What with three quarters to go? Him and Richo really are Dumb and Dumber, im now just trying to figure which is which. Stephenson misses 18-2 Giants go 50 only Greenwood is there to Sidie to Dole cheque Stephenson cant mark Adams takes a big bump Matrix held and Razor is straight onto the whistle. Giants go 50 as we enter the last minute which Darce calls important seconds for the second week in a row. I guess the last 19 minutes were just a waste of time. The Shitkicker is tackled good as the Giants try that cute shit with a dribble kick but gets em nowhere. Giants go 50 but are pinned for Throwing Langdon to Aish Sidie to Thomas Adams kicks to a giant in our 50. The Pies ave had 20 inside 50s this quarter, for a disappointing score. . the Shag is given a free but he trys that fucking dribble kick shit, Ward picks it up  but Sack scraps it to Brownlow who kicks with six second to go. HYPHEN MARKS. Kick after the siren, nails it as me and Pete finally bang elbows after a quiet few weeks for the Hyphen. And where cha cha chaing going into the break.

Quarter time

Collingwood 24

Giants 2

Run in after smoko and see fucking giants ave finally got a goal. Sier takes a one handed mark Hyphen keeps it down off to Cox but pinned and Giants score. As Richo says thats better. Yes two quick goals is better. Something Richo could only dream off.  He then says this is more a Giants style game but doesn/t say what that is.  Hyphen marks  Stephenson cant hold the kick shit free to Giants Samurai intercepts to Sidie to Brownlow Shag to Hyphen as Stephenson minors again.  Krebbs from 60 Aish picks the loose ball handballs to the Sack free to Giants but Howe takes a mark of the year contender. Sier kicks from 50 Hyphen cant mark Giants go 50 but they still do all that cute shit and they get nothing. Good, how hard is it to drop the ball on your boot, you aint the Harlem Globetrotters, and the Pies certainly aint the Washington Generals you daft cunts. Speaking of daft Richo tells us possession in the 50 is everything. Sigh. I cant be bothered berating him anymore.  Adams to Greenwood to Hyphen Varco has a run passes to Screwdriver misses. 26-14. Pete mentions the Samurais bun aint good. Its more lower than it is. That aint very Samurai, thats more Barista like. Shit goal to the Giants, Brownlow misses straightaway as we/re told the kicker has ankle issues. Oh the irony. Another shit free from a throw that wasn/t a throw but the Giants again try to be fancy with a dribble and they get nothing. Richo tells us the Giants are here to plas, JB pumps his tyres by saying hes right. Just fucking sigh these useless twats. Adams gives the shitkicker a good hit as our host Linda says shit happen.  Giants goal, as daft fuck number three Darce says that was a big moment in the game. I guess that must ave been one of those crucial seconds he was talking bout. But the Pies get there big moment with the Gooster goaling after the siren as its a ring a ding ding with everyone coming from everywhere to get involved. Razor aint happy.

Half Time

Collingwood 33

Giants 26

(notes from Saturday night let me know if anyone can make anything of this)

Its half time as just before the half was over where joined by our great mate Bernie Two legs. Bern and GG ave the two for one shopper dockets, we/re all looking forward to a nice meal, but he Bala ave cut the fucking kitchen half an hour early. What the fuck do we do? We ponder this over a fag as Proud Geelong man Gaz from Hell greets us hello in his gentle nature. We say fuck the kitchen as GG does a run to the chip shop on Carlisle St. if I ever sell out and do commercials its either gonna be for the bloke that does the ten dollar harircuts, also on Carlisle St and that chip shop. Ruby is on in the front bar. zzzzzzz.  Rose enters as we fest on the ace food from the chipery. The staff don/t seem to care or notice. Shit goal sees the scores levelled. Was actually a good goal, as Rose said they threaded it through the needle.  JB says that man can play. So everyone else cant? Knob.  Giants get another one, as Darce said Pies need the next. Fuck sake how long was he sitting on that. Gooster marks for 45 out on an angle balls punched over five points down. Cox intercepts in the middle kicks to the 50 to Dole Cheque bang 46-39. Sidie straight away goes 50 but Giants get a shit free. They say Dole Cheques goal might ave been touched. Moaning pricks, move on.  Hyphen marks I want 50 but no dice. Gooster taps to Cox goes to ground. Sack cant beat Cameron, Greenwood uses the body well taps to Matrix, Stephenson off to Dole Cheque Crisp Samurai kicks to the Shag but held. JB says both teams want to win so they can play next week. Thanks JB was wondering why they were there. Giants goal as JB says they needed that. Ave I mentioned I think little of these commentators?  I cheer as I discover two of the Giants players ave names of mates of mine, Taranto and Nick Haines, although the giants Nick is spelt differently, something I won/t acknowledge. Haines is a testament top the fact you cant smoke like a chimney and still play AFL. I forgot to write in my notes what the 3 quarter time score was. I forget when it started so im gonna say its three quarter time…

Smoke break Pete declares they should rename this pub Balagate due to all the gates we/ve suffered in the last year. I want one day, NO GATES. We walk in and see Trav goal, me and Pete are waiting in the front bar for service to find no one there. After five minutes we get served and in that time my boy the Hyphen and Gooster ave scored majors. Looking good now. 66-45 as Pete calls it we/re home. Darce says the Pies are home but also says Giants need to do more work to win. Sigh. Does he listen to himself? Someone explain why this man is on air. Everytime I tune into Eddies breakfast shows he has the same two stories. He lost his I Pad or lost one of this kids. Thats it. Aish and Krebbs take care of the shitkicker but still giants goal. Giants ave another shoot. Rose screams chewie on your boot. For second week in a row it works. She says it later and again works, we need her everyweek. Pretty sure Richo said Giants must kick this. Anyway we kicked a few points more JB said stoopid things, they got within ten points and GAME OPVER. Unlike Pete I wait till 57 second to go to call it. Siren, Oh fuck year

Final score


After the game its off to Lyrebird for a set of Intoxica, some of the best rock n roll comes outta that band. And the next day my great mate Terry an I head to the Ink to watch the GGG vs Canelo fight. Brilliant fight that was. One of the commentators takes a leaf out of the AFL callers book, says one of these guys are gonna feel different tomorrow. Yeah a few blows to the head will do that. I see Scott the Scot who asks if im happy with the win. I show him my notes as he says aye I cant fooking read that (see above)

Friday on my mind indeed. Not our best game, I don/t mean to be like Richo but clearly we need to kick straighter, and I just felt the tackling pressure was there. Sure there were times when the giants got the ball out the 50 we had bokes waiting but there were too many times they got the ball outta the 50 too easy. This is something the Tigers will kill us at if we aint careful. The trash talking between me and my Richmond chums has already started. This week could be messy. Oh well. I didn/t think we would make it this far, can we go the distance? The nice receptancist at work says yes. Shes called it not me. Onya Linda.

Anyway so much to look forward too, best get a beer. See yous at the Balaclava.


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