Now. Both the Pies and the Bombers are coming off two wins on the trot so this will a cracking ANZAC Day clash. I remember I was six back in 1995 for the first ever ANZAC game between the pies and Dons. Me dad for some reason only he knows decided to take us to the pool instead of watching the game. What the fuck dad? I just remember driving home and dad n I listening to the last few minutes of the call. I just remember my dad constantly punching the radio as the bombers kept coming and coming, and then it was a draw, as a six year old I was like really, no winner or loser? This sucks. There was no woohoo from my dad that time.
Anyway I walk down past the POW, which is now will closed. I See Theresa and Sim we walk down to the Bowlo. It makes me sad the POW is closing as we used to watch the games at the Gay Bar, however this place has changed and cuntface drinks here so the place has been dead to me for a while, but still another one bites the dust. I hope it reopens the same but I cant see it happening. MyDingley correspondent Tim informs Billy is out for the Hyphen. The hyphen is my boy but a shame Billy is out, the kid cant catch a break. Walking down I bump into Eddie Miller and Paris who are going to Freddie Wimples to watch. Paris informs go bombers. I return serve with go pies
Arrive At the bowlo GG along with Nattio Chairman Frank Chrisi and Kim are all here, gee it’s a bot dead I think.
Matrix wins the toss. As I see the huddle I think what the fuck is that haircut Krebs is wearing today. I join Casey at a table and we/re off as I scream go pies as all this dust enters the room as I clap. Was that me? Screwdriver to Trav Dole cheque kicks to the 50 Cox cant mark Sidie to Pamela, is held, Son of Rowdy tries Cox again, once again he cant hold, throw in. Theres no sound. Fuck I need BTs “insight” Moore again tries Cox but he still cant told the ball for fuck sake. Its only three minutes in and the ball has been in the 50 the whole time but the bombers ave an answer for everything. Bombers get there first 50 but Matrix all alone stops any momentum. Aish to Dole Cheque as the landlord Jason gives us sound. Onya Jase as Sidie kicks a point. The first comment is Richo who says thats what Collingwood do best. Kick a point? Cause thats what I saw. Chrisi is playing the heel screaming Go Bombers. She doesn/t even go for them. Shes a Geelong fan. However watching a pies game she was drooling over Trav saying how handsome he is, unware hes a premiership player for the club she “supports”. Jo enters at this point. Cox in the center straight to the Bomber there off but Langdon marks in the square a bad bounce messes him up but its out of bounds. Throw in straight to Moore hes in range it comes back but not enough as he gets a minor. Trav marks the bombers kick from the kick in. shit kick but Dole Cheque marks 10 out he knows Everybody Loves Raymond is on and he needs to run to the bench to watch so of course he was never gonna miss 8-0. Bombers mark in the square but Sidie intercepts the kick off to son of Rowdy 45 out but just misses 9-0. Bernie two legs messages me to say hes at the game. Also tells me to get fucked. Always good to hear from two legs. Of course his nemesis Bernie One Leg will be there cheering the pies on. Rusty Tristian and Nick enter. I call it saying its anyones game. Stringer goals for the Dons 9-6. BT says he does like the big stage. Sigh that didn/t take long to get that chestnut out. Sidie to the Samurai but loses it, Brownlow get the sloppy seconds hes held somehow gets it out to Pamela 25 out but is pinned Gooster scoops but the kick leads to sweet fuck all. Beams to the Gooster and thats better as I ave to teach Casey and JO the cha cha chas. 15-6. Deb and Jarlia enter. Sidie cops a good hit from the bombers but a desperate tackle from Moore leads to the ball spilling loose. Krebs hold tight and dodges two players passes to Matrix but is pinned lucky not to ave been done for dropping Pamela to Screwdriver to Adams he cant get straight but no need. 21-6. Nick takes time to point out it was a checkside not a banana. Wonderful kick from Adams. Gooster is hit and free from 50. Ah thats a bad miss 22-6. Cox to son of Rowdy Gooster punches to the Hyphen outstanding HES BACK 28-6. GG mentions how BT says he asked Bucks what they wanted to do and Bucks said they wanted to kick goals. Did John Warsfold say they want to win for fuck sake? Speedboy is held. The POW closes in a few days he needs to see Watts again for some cheap speed while its there. Adams gets a kick, my notes says Bombers, and then it says that will do. I really must ave needed a durry.
Ah, we must ave scored a point. Sorry for not mentioning that before. At smoko Rocky says good start, I agree but I expect the dons to come out swinging. As me and Nick discuss the first quarter he says we should ave it while I think a different Bombers side is gonna come out. Love Mr. Haines very much I can talk to him for hours. As a run to the bar a bloke for the bomber scores. Someone says he looks like Malfoy while Jo says he looks like Andy Warhol. Matrix punches to Beams Pamela hits the post as Theresa says that would ave been goal of the year. Matrix to Krebs to Pamela but hes too slow and run down. Son of Rowdy to Beams Matrix and finally Cox marks. 40 out bang 36-13. Dons bloke on his knees trys and marks but cant hold Adams jumps free to Brownlow kicks to Beams. Samurai kicks to Crisp to Pamela is on the line thrown in. Howe marks 70 out straight to a dons fella. Krebs to Sidie. Bruce says he rarely wastes it and of course he does. Thankfully Adams was there handballs to Pamela to the Gooster to Speedboy 25 out another checkside brilliant kick 42-13. So much dust comes out as I clap. It is me? Cox is given a free in the Dons 50 Moore to Trav Matrix Pamela on the Wing to Dole Cheque centers to Beams amazing 48-13. As we hi 5 Rusty says a slaps more appropriate. Lomas texts rusty saying ummmm. Thats probably the only text from that exchange I can print. Dog act from the Dons captain as Krebs is whacked in the face. Chrisi again screams go Bombers as JVG, a Bombers man askes her to keep it down. Speedboy is held again no free. Good kick from the bombers as they goal, Pies by 21. Free to Moore to Crisp and FUCK Hyphen takes mark of the year. Incredible goal. Did I mention hes back? Samurai to Trav Song of Rowdy is hit by the Bombers, Smoking Joe is standing all by himself for fuck sake. 55 out another beautiful kick. Fuck that wasn/t in the script
Chrisi again gets in my face saying we/re shit. Just keep poking the bear. JVG asks what the notes are about. After discussing the game and upcoming Crows Saints game with Nick Casey runs out saying games back on. Hyphen tries another mark of the year but no good this time, but almost got it. Samurai to Son of Rowdy to Sidie buts pinned, free to Andy Warhol but Howe intercepts the kick. Son of Rowdy to Krebs Travs loses the ball free to Dons for dropping. Too easy as again fucking Smoking Joe is standing with no one near him. Pies now by 9. Bombers again go 50 but Langdon marks in the line to save it being a one kick game. Pamela to Cox is held and given a free 35 out. Terrible kick and back to 10. Free to Speedboy Beams marks also 35 out but for fuck sake he missed the lot. Two shit kicks within 30 seconds. Howe passes to the Gooster and again misses everything. The fake sperm stays put. Thankfully Sidie was there and beautiful snap sees it through after three awful attempts. 55-39. Nick says Pies need more goals. Roughead marks on the Dons line thank fuck Matrix wins a 3 on 3 contest on the 50 Dons do a series of soccers throw in 30 from Dons home. Adams taps but didn/t look Langdon picks it up kicks to Greenwood. Nick says BT just informed Greenwoods kick needs to be good. How comes hes there and im not? Stringer marks Greenwoods kick but thankfully misses. A bombers player, i forgot to write which one, anyway for some reason Bruce says his name four times when he does nothing. Howes kick is straight to a Don they make us pay, now eight points, no wonder I drink. Speed Boy takes a great mark kicks to Pamela 50 out. Thumping kick but unfortunately was touched. But straightaway Pamela again to Greenwood back to Pamela he does a fucking dribble kick but he nails it as Nick says we needed that. 62-48. I run to the bar as Brownlow misses Pamela is held Hooker is 15 out Matrix kicks to Bomber, and fuck they get one just before the last break. Nick says footy is the winner. And my lungs are the loser as I need a fag
3 quarter time
Chrisi keeps poking the bear and ive had enough as I blow bubbles to her. She gives me a look of like the fuck, but as I said don/t poke the bear. We/re all good we could never be angry at each other. Nick mentions Hayden Button Sr as the greatest of all time and a fella who overhears says WAFL was not as good as VFL. While Nicks from the South not West I know hes not gonna let that slide. Im loving this debate but need to watch the end. Speedboy misses as I walk in. I tell GG to get our contact at the POW an Uber so he can deliver Speedboy his fix. We cut to Bucks who aint happy. He probably wants a $1 pot as well. Theresa tells her lovely mate (sorry forgot her name) about this Munster zine I do and says very nice things bout it. She does mention yhe poor gramherdddddddddddddddddddddd but she still says its great and that makes my heart all warm in side, something that dead organ is not used to hearing. Onya T. Re the back grammar I say It is what it is, which leads to GG Showing his tattoo, saying It is what it is, Theresa shows hers, a Richmond premiership tattoo while I show mine, saying Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment. Howe punches the ball over for a throw, Son of Rowdy kicks to Pamela Adams Screwdriver to Crisp plays on Cox is running but Crisp kicks to the boundary. Samurai intercepts a forward attack. Moore is held 20 out from the Bombers goal as BT say this is exactly where the Bombers want it. My notes simply say FUCK BOMBERS DOWN 3. I guess they scored im trying to forget these parts. Moore marks over his head takes on two Dons Screwdriver to the Hyphen Gooster outstanding 72-63. But fuck Smoking Joe again is standing by himself and the Bomber are back to three. Im ropable Bucks is livid. Did Speedboy get his gear? No wonder I smoke. Matrix Is given a free they calm he ducked but he didn/t I I yell fuck off when calls of Selwood is cried. Hes nothing like that cheat. Anyway leads to nothing but a thrown in. Pamela has the ball runs a few meters and we got another throw in 60 out from home Bombers take a mark from Matrix kicks to Brownlow who kicks on the full. The Pies spend two minutes up forward with nothing happening with BT saying where looking dangerous despite not scoring, fucking idiot. Adams to Son of Rowdy as we see a big Red Card on the interchange, as we all look at each other like what the fuck does that mean. Sidie has the ball plays on Pamela is pinned Son of Rowdy has it, hit from behind. FREE KICK. GAME OVER. Dons fans are livid, yes it was technically in the back but they could ave let it go, but that was rough on Pamela so a free kick was there. I praise son of Rowdy like the Sheik did before his matches (thats the orginal Sheik not the Iron Shiek). Ive just made an obscure wrestling reference so I better end this buy saying he missed and that was that
After the game me and Nick chat and go through all the 101s of AFL post game lingo. Im happy with the result and taking it one game at a time, all that stuff. Me and Rusty also discuss the game. He said we were the best team on the day while I think it was a case of one team was lucky and the other unlucky. I missed boogate. Its no big deal, they would ave booed Billy Childish if he was there. Poor sportsmanship? Of course but you get dickheads in all teams and there would ave been Pies fans that would ave booed whoever at Essendon had one a medal. Its nothing to get worked up or upset over. We bolt to the Bala for the one with Fred before another season at the Lyrebird.
Top day with so many wonderful people. Thanks to Rusty and Tristian for putting it on. Hard win but to coin another 101 we got the four points that’s all that matters. My boy the Hyphen is back and has taken mark of the year. Langdon for me was ANZAC Medal winner for me as he stepped up when it mattered and saved at least two or three goals when it was crucial. Third on the ladder, very happy with that. Port this Friday, will be a belter, see yous at the Bala.