Round 9 v St Kilda

The most anticipated game of the season so far for me. Along with Richmond, St Kilda is the biggest support group amongst my mates, and with the Saints getting off to a great start to then season and much better form than last year what better game than to actually go to the game. So I took Fred Sam and GG to the MCC, the first time ive been to the members in a while. What happens when a bunch of punters who would rather watch the game at a rowdy pub and used to a beer a quarter leave there natural habitat and are unleased in a precious area? Lets find out.

We meet at the Bolwo at 12, the plan was to meet at 11:30 but we realized it doesn’t open til 12 so noon it is. I run the gauntlet of people handing how to vote cards. No disrespect but i/ll make up my own mind thankyou. Sam Fred and GG are here all looking fabulous, these guys know who to dress and look smashing, with the election I decided to Dons Party it up, or as Fred said Flashes Party more like it. Brad and Bernie arrive not long afterwards. Ive been anti going to the footy with people for a long time but this are the perfect crew, I always got time for all of these people. Lauren, former POW manager back when we used to watch the Pies games at the gay bar is here, now working at the Bowlo, sweetheart she is and she gives me a go Pies. GG kindly provides food (given the frequency of how I eat I wont label the food as either breakfast or lunch). We decided to ave one more before leave. Theres always time for one more in our book. I COP A FEW TEXTS BEFORE THE GAME, Amy says Go Saints and is proudly wearing her color, Jackie wishes us a fun day and not to get kicked out ton early, Pete texts GG giving us the odds for when we get thrown out. He says if we make the whole game punters get their money back, while Pete says if I get in trouble blame it on that Matt from Dingley North. Anyway we jump on the 96 before getting the 70 to the G. We do the quiz on the 96, I got a soccer question!. Mick Harvey arrives on the tram. Did he touch on? Its such an important day I even tied my shoelaces. GG says something bout a gimp mask and I almost fall over of laughter as I tie my lace. I clam that Mick Harvey is a Pies man while Brad clams him a Sainter. Mick can you please confirm which one you are?

As we get off the tram the game has started, someone screams Bruce has first blood for the Saints. We leave Bernie and Brad as we go our separate ways. I run to buy tickets from the members window. And for fuck sake I bring the wrong membership pass with me, so we ave to go to members services window. I try and convince the lady Fred is my son so I can get him in for free. Fred demands I buy chips, I tell him one more word hes getting nothing. And if Collingwood loses so help him when we get home. Anyway we arrive 15 minutes into the game. We run straight for the bar as we see Reid goals. In the bar theres some fella walking around with a RSA shirt. God he must give a boring life, telling people they cant drink. Imagine if he went out with us. One more guys id say, hed be like no no no. Langdon to Crisp, kicks to Krebs Beams is hit massive pile on Hyphen gets it out but straight to a Saint which leads to another pile on. Ball up. GG asks if we can take our drinks out. The lady at the door says Saints fans can/t. I like her straightaway. Krebs on the 60 to Pamela saints bloke is down saints push forward but the buzzer beats em.

Quarter Time

Pies 19

Saints 9

Fred and GG leave to watch from the standing area as me and Sam finish our beers. The lady at the door is sad to see em go and complements em for their dress sense. When me and Sam leave shes even sadder. I like how we/ve brought St Kilda to the G. Saints go forward as I say NO NO NO as Sam says yes yes yes and they goal. We leave to hang out with Fred and GG. Me and Fred are on the rails while Sam and GG are a bit to the left. A kid in a Collingwood jumped runs into GG demanding he get out the way. Go on my son. Straightaway it seems Dole Cheque has left the couch and kicks a goal 25-16. Trav does a brilliant tackle and given a free for holding. 35 out bang 23-16 Brownlow goes 50 but kicks straight to a Saint Matrix to Crisp to Levi to Aish and again kicks straight to a Saint. Fred demands I buy him lollies as im playing dad now, even though Sam said shed play mum. I scream SHAG and everyone looks, I look back saying really you don/t know who that is. Brownlow is given a free for high, Fred brings up how he looks like Kryten from Red Dwarf. Crisp is done for dropping the ball, free to Saints 50 out but misses. It was a fella called Young who was is the new face in hell today. Fred mentions how the callers will be pumping up his first shot on goal and it/s a miss what a let down. Saints given a free 25 directly in front and they get it. Shit kick from Reid leaves to a throw in Saints get another point. They push forward but Howe stops the charge as Aish does a mighty punch of the ball which lands in the Saints hands again, Reid takes a mark and goes forward but Saints are everywhere. At least they aint punishing us on the scoreboard because they are everywhere else. Fred says they will talk about this quarter forever. They get another point. They kick another as GG screams crucial as people round us wonder whats that bout. The Shag was running after the guy that kicked that point. GG says the point telly is up to 8 Fred wants US to at least get one crucial point. Screwdriver has the ball, I see Shag in the distance, im screaming kick it to Shag but it falls on deaf ears. Samurai in the center to Trav Beams to Sidie outstanding 38-33. Sam says the Saints need  six more points to catch up.

Half Time

Pies 38

Saints 33

Dave Warners half time at the football plays as we try and find a suitable tree of knowledge for air. We run in to see Reid ave a shot and miss. I scream out to GG and he acknowledges me, a fella says oh I knew youd be mates, he asks if GG is a muso, so I ask him and he conforms negative so our friend can hear. Reid goes bang 15 but I forgot to write the score down sorry. I cant read the next note, I think it says Samurai kicked in the back? Did that happen? Ah I can read the next part, Beams has a shot and missed. Krebs kicks straight to a Saint and they make us pay, up by seven. Pamela kicks to Aish SHAG to a Saint. So much pissfarting round from the Pies, it leads to a shot and they fucking get it. The Pies are playing poorly and leads to another shot by the saints thankfully they miss which gives us an even game. Dole Cheque marks kicks to Brownlow, Speedboy goes boom 52-47. Straightaway to Reid on the 50, brilliant mark, hes still got it, but misses. And for fuck sake the Saints go straight up there end and goal. Dole Cheque thankfully gets off the couch and kicks another goal. Me and Fred shake our head at the lame Magpie swooping they ave on the screen after the goal. Straight up our end Hyphen nails one 70-59. I wish GG could ave scored that Hyphen me and Fred did, we nailed it, but the other MCC members loved it. Sainst go forward straightaway and ave plenty of numbers, the last four minutes is all the Saints, they manage a point but they pushed hard and they were unlucky not to get a major out of that. Anyway I cant go for a fag as it will take me too long to get out and get back. I don/t like change.

3 quarter Time

Pies 70

Saints 65

I buy Fred chips. Hey I cant let my son go hungry. Fred says we should go to our natural habitat for the last quarter. Of course he means the bar. Bernie 2 texts to say the Saints will win by a point, while Fred says the Saints will kick one more point . Shag kicks to Sidie and off to a good start 78-65.

Sam talks of a spunk with a pony tail. Im looking around to see who shes talking about, she demands to know how it is, then I realize it/s the Samurai. Aish kicks but is held so doesn/t go the distance, Sidie weaves through two Saints what a run what a goal 84-63. Hit from Dole Cheque handballs to Beams up by 21. GG asks if im calling it, I don/t look at the fellas behind me but I can tell there giving me daggers, don/t even think about it, but when I say no they laugh and are also impressed with our dress effort today. Matrix to Hyphen 50 out Centers to Pamela, fuck what a torp! What a kick, goal of the year. . It/s really hard to write notes in this bar with no table so I give up and just watch.  Fred calls it once we reach the ton.

Game Over

Pies 112

Saints 72.

After the game me and Fred lose Sam and GG, but we agree to met at the bus stop. We got the wrong bus as they get another one and we get the 246. As we wait we see a wheelchair and Pies shirt and it can only be Bernie 1 Leg, one of the best people I know. Hes over the moon as he should be, he calls Dole Cheque Mih cashed his Cheques, I like Dole Cheque better. We discuss the game as we see some pissheades on way to the royal try and start each other and random passes by. And to think these people had a say in the election today. We finally get on the bus as I must get back to the Bolwo for unfinished business. Again I run through all the leaflet people and scream GG as I run into the public bar. He knows why im here. He takes me to his locker for my holy grail, a box of 92 cigarettes. Its 92 because I took eight with me to the game. I could get down and cry, but I already did when I realized I had one more on me as I walked to the Bowlo. Im off to do the radio then home for a Dons Party for one.

Speaking of which, its time to name and shame. The Butcher told me he aint seen Dons Party. He said it was before his time. It was several decades before my time but ive still seen it. Its like when my dad shakes his head whenever I do my Blakey from on the buses my dad shakes his head like how the fuck do you know this. I wasn/t alive for World War One but I know who won that. For shame. Hey, can someone make me a silver beer glass with a chain like Graham Kenned did?

Anyway solid game, the Saints played a great three quarters, at one point they punished us everywhere but the scoreboard. I guess we just played well when it mattered like the week before. And fuck that torp from Pamela? Amazing, bring that back.But fuck we missed Moore, hope he comes back sooner rather than later. Top day, sees yous at the Bala on Friday for the Swans game.


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