Round 14 vs Bulldogs

After a week off its good to ave the footy back. I said that the Pies needed a rest, as did we,  but the bye usually messes with teams so will see how we go, and you never know what the Doggies will do so will be an interesting game. Playing the Dogs always reminds me of my old School mate Shane, the biggest Doggies fan I know and when the Doggies won the flag in 2016 he was the first person I thought of and was happy for him. Unfortunately he was overseas at the time and misses out, poor bugger. This is why holidays are rubbish. Whats the point of getting on a plane and watching the Simpsons and shit beer in a different timezone when I can ave a beer at the Street Bar. Do they ave that in London?

I guess we can/t go any further with addressing the big news of the week. Our team name at Trivia last Wednesday was called idiot Pamela and that sums up this situation. People ave said he was treated too harshly some say not enough. Heath Shaw got 8 weeks for what he did betting on the first goal so you couldn/t give him any less. First and foremost he is an idiot, was it too harsh? Nah. If your gonna gamble bet on the dogs, or anything else for fuck sake. Poor Howe who was given that information talk bout being caught between a rock n a hard place. I think ten weeks was a fair wack, but youd be a fool to think hes the only one thats done this. Eddie said it well multi bet has become part of our vocabulary, and with Nathan Brown, not the Pies/Saints player, the overrated wanker that no one has a good reason explaining why he has a career, advertising for a gambling company as well as four other major company advertising during the game, what will change?  I do applauded the roos getting rid of pokies from their club, meanwhile Dickhead Kennett wants to bring more pokies to the Hawks when the invade my hometown of Dingley. And he ran Beyond Blue, but I guess he missed the part that a gambling problem can lead to depression and pokies to me are nothing but a money sucker. The amount of times people tell me they/ve won a shitload on the pokies but they never say how much they/ve lost to get that win.Im not saying lets illegalize gambling but when its in your face 24/7 and a betting company is a major sponsored of the AFL and anyone can bet on there phone anytime anywhere I think something has to be done. What I don/t know, i/ll stick to good ol cigarettes thank you evry much as a vice.

Before the game me and the lovely Jo go for a nice stroll through Barkley Street and the beach before arriving at the Bala. We arrive five minutes before the bounce, Fred arrives two minutes before the game. With beers in hands we settle into the lounge area. Freds wearing a beautiful wool jumper with 36 on the back. Sier is now wearing the number made famous by Swanny. Jo has done something ive never had the guts to do, shes called it before the game has started, pies to win. Can she do that? Lets hope shes right.

Dogs get the perfect start according to Huddo, which I guess is right as they get a goal in the first 50 seconds. They go again straightaway but Krebs keeps em at bay. Scrappy loose ball with a bunch of players touching the ball, and with great presence by the Shag. Sidie kicks to himself Roughead to the hyphen Samurai marks and is moved on finds Trav to Speedboy, shit kick, gee he really misses the POW but Samurai recoups and marks 15 out from Dogs goal, we again see the Shag but hes just looking on. Thats all he needed to do. Sidie to Crisp Hyphen to the Screwdriver 40 meters out on the run brilliant goal 6 all. Thumping kick from Crisp from 65 out Cox is 10 meters out and given a free no way hes missing that 12-6. Brownlow tackles Dog umpire calls dropping the ball Son of Rowdy given advantage Reid marks 10 out plays on bang 18-6. Fred and I miss our attempt at a hi 5. thankfully GG isn/t here yet to give that a score. Roughead to Aish in longsleeves. David King calls the Shag the architect, probably the only smart things hes ever said. My favourite King quote was when the Bulldogs where aving issues with their previous coach Brendon McCarthy, when king made the staggering claim that players play and coaches coach. Im amazed he didn/t win a Nobel Prize for sport for those comments. Anyway Shag kicks to the Gooster free 60 out the Hyphen is all alone 30 out on a tight angle just misses to the left. Shag commits two amazing tackles, as Alex Lloyd is playing in the pub. It/s not the amazing song, which is not amazing its shit, which sums up his whole back catalogue. Dogs kick to Brownlow Sidie to Reid screwdriver he gets his second 25-6 as Gary Lyon says Bulldogs need to kick harder. Hey Gary maybe you need to try harder not to sleep with your mates wife. Fred wants Sier to kick a goal so we can all Sigh in unison. Shag marks kicks to Sidie but is hit Son of Rowdy picks up Sier cops a free against him. Did Pamela bet on him to give away a free kick in the first quarter? Anyway Dogs goal and get another one. The second goal David King claimed was not perfect. Um it went through the goals so I would say yes it was perfect. They cut to the screen with texta on it, it/s just a bunch of scribbles that lead to nothing. Im convinced David King has built a whole career all these states and analyse that never existed before. Theres a reason why it hasn/t and because its rubbish. You can use all the stats and textas and screens all you want but at the end of the day King is just a better wordsmith, all he says is if they get more goals they/ll win but with a better backdrop. Fred gets out his duck whistle out to boo this sort of thing and sing the Fall Track New Face in Hell. Dogs ave another shot which Huddo claims they need to stay in the game, despite the fact theres still three and a half quarters to go. I actually through he was good Huddo. Maybe hes just been broken down. My boy the Shag is hit umpires ball. We see a Pie and think who the fuck is that then release its Moore. Hes finally got a haircut. Shag is cornered on the line but Aish runs it through for rushed Pete enters as Dogs ave a kick and Huddo screams again and again and again. And its a minor haha as GG walks in. Reid is bleeding in the back of the head. He stays on but the Ump eventually says ave a spell as I light up.

Quarter Time

Pies 25

Dogs 27

Red Hot Chilli Peppers are playing, so fucking lame. I never got the big deal about em, there not shit there just lame middle of the road to me. Shag holds a bloke in the 50. Dogs cop two tackles from the Shag unfortunately leads to nothing. Roughead kicks to Krebs, Matrix does a bad soccer attempt Crisp is hit free to Dole Cheque, we finally see him Family Ties must be over. Pete says Family Ties was the Everybody Loves Raymond of its day as Breakfast at Tiffneys is playing on the radio. We discuss Dole Cheques TV, I reckon Cheers would ave been better if Ted Danson played Becker running the bar just him being a prick to everyone . Speedboy kick to the 50 but Sidie soccers the Gooster finds it but rushes it over for a throw in. Matrix kicks a minor as the band Blessid Union of Souls play. Google em to see what there one hit was. Remember that? The balls in the Dogs 50 and Huddo screams danger and dangerous ball again and again and of course nothing happens. Dogs Park on the pocket and miss as Pete says good sides be putting us away now. It is an odd quarter its been in the DFogs 50 most of the quarter and they/ve done sweet fuck all to punish us.Trav handballs to Sidie Gooster 15 out kicks a dribble and nails it 32-31. Huddo says it/s a low scoring game on a Sunday arvo. Thanks I couldn/t read the score and I needed to know what day it was. Cox on the 50 shit kick Trav tackle dogs pushes Rough no free, shit call Dogs hit the lead before main smoko break. Gary Lyon says Dogs deserved to be in front. GG says G Lyon deserves to be at the bottom of a pit with Billy Brownness pulling the trigger.

Half time

Pies 32

Dogs 37

Half time playlist includes Nice day to go to the Pub by the Cosmic Pyschos with us screaming the rubbery dub line as GG mentions we brought the Community Cup to the Bala. Certainly a better day then the cup would ave been. Lust for Life plays, I ask if I should run down Carlisle Street a la Ewan McGregor in Trainspotting. Fred asks if there is a Trainspotting musical, I believe there is not. I mention Perfect Day by Lou Reed from the movie which Fred mistakes for Ugly Dave Gray. We contemplate Trainspotting the musical with Ugly Dave as Begbie. We arrived to see Waz in there. He hands me the remote to mute these gash bags Danny Frawley and Jason Dunstal are on plugging the 350 episode of Bounce, a new low of Australian TV. I like Dunstal as a caller but who told him he should do comedy? And who said we need to hear from Frawley at all. He makes the most basic usless comments, makes Jonathan Brown look like Leigh Matthews, and thinks hes the next Graham Kennedy, yet he was denied any comic talent even though he thinks hes hilarious, hes just that high school bully that never grew up and would rather punch someone because he knows he hasn/t got the words to make a valid point.. Howe is on ice Strong mark from the Samurai Cox is the target but cant hold the mark, samurai runs rings to tap his own kick of the ball and does a dribble kick which leads to nothing Son of Rowdy finds the Gooster 45 out only a point Dogs go up and Dogs marks 45 out all alone Huddo says nothing between him and the goals. Oh gee I don/t know, how about 40 metres as GG points out? And grass? He misses. Matrix kicks to samurai brilliant play back in front 39-38 Suckling marks straightaway misses all square again Pies go the 50 ball tapped out of bounds Trav to Dole Cheque marks bang in the square nice to see he got off the couch 45-39 GG says the Hi 5s where out of time. GG mentions the tram driver he had that whistled the Collingwood theme all the way through, God bless that fella. And when I say God whichever one that isn/t Izzy Folaus god. Dogs get a goal up by 1. Huddo says it/s a struggle, Pete reckons there should be an arm wrestle. , Jo asks if that’s a perfect goal. Straightaway Trav tackles on the 50 Reid scoops passes to Gooster we blow our load on time 51-46. Cox misses from 35 but making the margin 6 points that’s a crucial point. Gooster marks 30 out on the fence, Gary Lyon says hed love top keep the scoreboard ticking. Misses but Trav kicks back to the Gooster son of Rowdy outstanding 58-46.Crisp to Sidie to Reid 25 out hes back 64-47. Pete is calling for percentage Dogs get one back before the buzzer as GG says he ave a game. The commentators claim its anyones game. GG says, well its either Collingwood or Dogs, no one else.

3 quarter times

Pies 64

Dogs 53

Jo bids us farewell as shes off to Dogs, the pub that is. I run to piss and run to the bar, I see Dogs ave had at least three attempts to go 50 but fail everytime while im at the bar Gooster marks 40 out on the fence Reid marks 2 metres out 70-53 as I see Red by Split Enz plays in the front bar Krebs to Brownlow as Huddo says theres Danger everywhere. He says Danger three times in a minute. Well not in the Dogs 50 right now, so no Huddo there is not danger everywhere. Dogs play well and get the ball out of the 50 as Fred buys the second mega jug after GG, onya lads. Dogs get a run after holding the ball is not paid but hits the post gets what it deserves. Brownlow to Sidie to Krebs as Aish now has no sleeves Cox is held but get nothing Pete says Cox but Fred demands he says it in a manly fashion. Dogs go 50 Krebs holds em at bay free to Samurai 55 out what a kick 76-55. Huddo says he can just about to it all the samurai. Can he make a long black? I guess he can because he can do it all apparently Sier to Dole Cheque, Dogs rush it over for a minor as Sugar Ray is playing now, its not the every morning song. That was big when I was 10. We used to sing that chorus all the time when I was a kid even though we had no idea what a one night stand was, youtube it if you don/t know the song, anyway the Gooster Cox runs very bizarre but nails it 82-60. Run for another piss, when I get back Dogs are lining up and I channel Rose and scream Chewie on ya boot. It works. Onya Rose. Anyway my notes are a mess so i/ll leave it there, except for that wanker Huddo claiming the Dogs can still win it despite being three goals down with 90 seconds to go. When they get one with a minute to go its as if the Dogs are still a chance. Cant believe I thought he was good once.

Game over

Pies 82

Dogs 73

After the game we drink the rest of the Mega jug as I run for the remote when Danny Frawley hits the screen. The pub change the channel to the Formula 1. Fred starts taking photos of the telly. The landlord Gav gives me a look of what I fuck. I tell him hes on the job and he gets it. We/re waiting for a tram, with two minutes I risk running for another piss break and I see Pete laughing out the front thinking ive missed but I manage to catch it on the buzzer. I get off at Misery Guts to catch the last few songs of the Large Number 12s. the wonderful landlord Jules has a Melbourne waiting as I soak up the sweet harmonys of Horse and Wes and Billys brilliant drum solo. After the gig I go for one more at Dogs where me and Jo hug in celebration but ive had enough and go home.

Bucks called it the worst performance in a while but the Freo game was worse. The second quarter was all Bullies and we kept em to two goal. It wasn/t great but a wins a win. We/ve got plenty of time to settle in and come home strong.

Now I won/t be watching the North game next Saturday. It takes a lot for me to miss a game but with New Japan wrestling at Festival Hall its too much to miss. Don/t worry i/ll find something in the next seven days to get me pissed off to write about.

Until then, GO PIES

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