Round 16 v Hawks

Above meme courtsey of me mate Nick (GO ROOSTERS)

Aving come off our poorest performance in a while im hoping the Pies bounce back tonight. I certainly thought we/d put up a better effort against North. I thought North would struggle for the rest of the season but there now serious finals contenders and can beat anyone on their day with the way the/ve been playing, I put it all down to Rhyce Shaw. He never seemed like the coaching type, senior coach at least. On him for turning the Roos round. Anyway the Hawks ave been our bogie team the last decade. Since that win over the Hawks in the 2011 Prelim we/ve only beaten em once. So while the bookies ave us as favorites im certainly not reading too much into that. One of the reasons im putting last weeks loss down to is the fact none of us watched the game, so with the team back together lets see if we can get back on the W board  And also welcome to Isaac Quaynor who is the new face in hell tonight

I get to Surabaya Johnnys bit before 7 to see Fred and Dave belt out some classic tunes. Pete aint far behind me, as well as Tez and GG. THE game starts at 7 so im sweating bullets that we/re gonna make it on time for the bounce. The Second Blackmolls set starts bout 7:10, so after two songs I wave and tell Pete I gotta bolt, as Tez and GG escort me down. We arrive at the Balaclava with seven minutes to go. Perfect, as GG takes control of arranging the tables while I get a round in and ave a fag and can relax knowing I can pack it all in before the bounce. But as we settle in Terry demands this rubbish be taken off the TV, the rubbish being rugby. I agree theres no need for this nonsense to be seen at the Bala, thankfully we get the real football on. Theres a nice couple behind us, later on in the game I formally meet them, lovely couple and good pies fans Jim and Rose. As Terry said if they had a child would they call it Circus, but as Rose points out this is a circus. Very nice people and hope you enjoy this new rant.

David King says Collingwood can score from clearances. Thats the kind of special comments you get from the stats expert right there. Sara Jones calls his a blockbuster round. It wasn/t looking back. Anyway lets get to the game. You know its gonna be a shit night when the first voice you hear is BT

Free to Samurai kicks to the Gooster Crisp Sidie tumbles Isaac picks up the Shag is there doing something Sier handballs to the Hyphen, Dole Cheque tackles bloke is paid holding, 40 from home as I scream EVERYBODY LOVE RAYMOND. 6-0. Nice to see Dole Cheque got off the couch this time. Moore hit in the Hawks 50 Scharenberg with the lot finds Isaac Cox Hawks find the ball and nail a goal, as Bruce says good response. Well Bruce it really was the only response. Do people feel sorry for him is that why he/s employed? 6 all. Samurai to Brownlow Speedyboy Matrix finds Brownlow brilliant kick 12-6 but fuck no Fred and Pete I cant cha cha cha by myself. Good run from Krebs punches the ball for a minor for the Hawks Shag nails a good tap to Sidie back to Shag he/s hit and me and Terry want this thug dragged and delisted. No one touches my boy. Shag nails a good kick. Well it looked good but went to the Hawks. Er that was the winds fault. We cut to Moore, Richo tries to make a funny by saying Moore looks like Lloyd Christmas. This is followed by silence for a few seconds, before BT asks who Lloyd is. Considering Lloyd Christmas was Jim Carreys Character in Dumb and Dumber, its an ironic statement as it sums up the banter between BT and Richo. Dole Cheque has the ball as Kev and Michelle both enter. Kev wearing a wonderful Billy Chilish shirt while Michelle said she got a Holly Golightly shirt, what a cool couple. Shag gets a touch as me and Terry add up he/s had 180 Brownlow votes. Roughead rushes the ball for a point fans want deliberate but they aint getting it. Richo says the problem is the Pies aint getting shots on goal. Well as I said Bruce must ave a job as people must feel sorry for him. Whats the reason Richio has a job? Shag is there, and thats enough Hawks ave the ball but the dill does a fucking dribble from 40 and misses. Fred and Pete enter As Jack Gunston misses from five meters out, BT has a go at comedy by saying that was more Norman Gunston then Jack Gunston. Gooster nails it from 40 out. Me and Pete hi 5 but Freds stuck in the front bar. 18-9. Now Terry has written some filth on my notes re the hyphen. And even worse about Bucks. Sorry Tez I won/t be writing it, what I will say is Ross Lyon looks like a Muppet . Shag touches the ball on the Hawks line, but it takes four minutes to finally figure  out it/s a point. CARROL (in Peep Temple voice) joins us. Matrix free finds Cox dribble from 15 out 25-10. Finally we/re all here me Pete and Fred nail the hi 5s and cha cha chas. GG asks if im calling it. I say Yes im calling its smoko. As Pete appoints me captain of the quorum. I asked him if he could ave consulted me on this. So I tell him I want him and Fred to do 20 hi 5s while im gone

Quarter Times

Pies 24

Hawks 11

Tez kindly gets his round in as GG tells Jim and Rose bout these rants as later I help em find the rant on Fred site. Hope your reading this guys and see yous at the Bala on Friday.

Good hit by Hyphen on the line from 50 finds Cox but cant hold it Throw in Samurai good kick but misses Pete not impressed by the table set up. Daicos to Cox Hawks mark which Bruce calls an important mark. Important hey? Forget Leo Barry, this was an important. Pete wants to know how long the kitchen is open for, we inform him its shut cause the chef is sick. Pete calls it paramagate. Hawks mark as Pete says if they nails this the callers will be all over the Hawks, or plant the seed that there on the rise. Freds called it, its anyones game. Shag has the ball couldn/t find a target Dacios finds the pill and gets a crucial point. Cunt Carey makes some reference to Fairside which makes us all scream Garry Larson. Hawks goal up by 3 points. Fred says I should get on to the Shoehorn but he/s probably sick of me calling. BT cant tell the difference between Daicos and Brown. Isaac to Crisp Cox soccers to Rough marks 20 from Hawks goal another shit dribble from Hawks 40 out leads to a point. Hyphen to the Shag 50 out Daicos marks 40 out bang 34-25, we cut to his dad and get on my knees and scream we aint worthy. Theres a Hawks bloke named Shields Fred asks if it was Kevin Shields from My Bloody Valentine, I say nah as he wouldn/t be hard enough for the game. And im a massive gan of the Valentine, not exactly know for there humour, Fred reckons this Shields should start a band called My Chuckles Valentine

Screwdriver to Dole Cheque Brownlow Sidie taps free against Aish hyphen pushed Hawks free, Gooster smoothers as I get on Dave Warners Half Time at The Football

Half Time

Pies 34

Hawks 26

Fred calls Jason Dunstall a bold headed flog which I say you cant say anymore as Pete enters with fish and Chips. After the game Foxtel is showing comedy legend Andrew Gaze being interviewed by Bob Murphy. If thers a reason to stick around. Seriously Gaze makes Danny Frawley look like Tony Martin, whoever said Gaze should try comedy should ave ingrown toenails for a month. BT claims theres a lot riding on this game. Samurai takes a great mark, Bruce doesn/t label it important. Krebs is hit shit dribble kick from Hawks Matrix free in back. Bruce says its an arm wrestle. Please go away you fool. Im thinking don/t say it/s a low scoring game. He says it. Sigh Terry demand Scully shaves those sideburns. Scharenberg with the lot gets a touch as we again discuss whats on a Scharenberg with the lot. I want two layers of cheese which Pete approves, runny egg which Terry disapproves. We all agree no beetroot, caramelized onions. Hawks goal, thank god for that crucial point we got the other quarter. Shag hit and Free to Hawks on the boundary, we want this pricks blood. Anyway the daft idiot has a kick from the boundary but takes too much time so he has to kick from there haha. BT says the hawks are in the hunt. Is anyone gonna make a good comment that I, the viewer cant figure out myself? And Luke Darcy, hes not on the coverage but I feel like giving him a clip, just because you talk a lot doesn./t mean you make sense or good opinions. Who/s idea was it to put him on air? An ordinary ruckman in an ordinary side, who decided we need to hear more from this bloke? Bruce says there ranking up numbers but not on the scoreboard. Ah again can you say anything we cant figure ourselves? Another discussion of what should be on a Scharenberg with the lot. Pete wants mayo, I prefer tomato source Dole Cheque marks 45 out just misses up by 2. Shit call as Hawks go 50 and get a point. Bruce claims he cant get his head round this game. I cant get around how he can dress himself in the morning. My mate Missi enters and leaves, great to ave a cameo from her as our mate Terry also bids goodbye. Cox cant hold the mark from Daicos ball out of bounds. Gooster runs from 40 out amazing 43-32. Bruce said he loves that man Sidebottom. I cant think of a better way to end this quarter

3 quarter time

Pies 43

Hawks 31

Chad Morgans Double decker blowflys plays in Freds speakers outside. We miss two crucial points the Hawks scored. Shag marks 50 out finds Matrix BT says its a good opportunity. Misses but gains crucial point. Aish to Crisp Cox drops again Billy to Hyphen marks 40m out. Pete wants to know do we do the hyphen after or before the cha cha chas.. As the captain i make the call after. he nails it 51-33. GG gives the hyphens and cha cha chas 7.5. Since ios my first as a captain im pleased. Hawks mark 20 out GG says they need this. Hits the post. Bruce says that was a missed chance. Screwdriver marks, kicks to Hawk as Bruce reminds us its a big last quarter. Hawks 50 out Samurai knees a bloke in back but no mark as Hawks goal as Bruce says it gives em belief while GG is in disbelieve at that awful comment. Krbes holds on to Hawk Gooster to Billy to Sier Shag chases Hawk but he marks 20 out and goal now Pies by 4. Buck aint happy. so its as good a time to discuss again  Scharenberg with the lot, runny egg everyone agrees needs to be included. Hawks get a goal and another as BT says some weird comment on how the Pies fans are sitting in their seats right now, well i guess you know nothing about football you gotta say something. Matrix to Shag to Sier and Fred gets his wish as we sigh down by 3 GG calls it next goal will win the game. Fucking Hawks goal. Matrix straight away to Billy Isaac marks find Dole Cheque but held. BT ask where are the Pies gonna find two goals? Maybe there boots? Isaac finds the Hyphen 20 out. BT says its game on if he kicks this.It wasn/t game on the last three and three quarter quarters? Seriously piss off. Nails it. Down by 3, and nothing happens with two minutes to go so i/ll leave it there.


After the one at the ESPY and tapping out at Dogs I grab a car home. When the Taxi sees my scarf he just says what the fuck happened? I hope he had the answer cause I sure don/t know. Not sure what to make of it. Great first quarter, the third was mostly Hawks but they only managed a goal. I guess the game was there to be won and we weren/t good enough. At this rate we won/t make the top four. Theres blokes to come in sure, but the team that took the field had every chance to win on Friday, so im not sure what the answer is. On the up side Isaac made a hell of a first impression. He certainly held his spot for next week.

Well, crucial game on Friday against the Eagles, a loss her is a massive blow to top four hopes and they/ve had the jump on us in the last two years, plus coming off a strong win in Freo it will be a hard slog. Will see what happens.

See yous at book club.

Go Pies

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