Round 17 vs Eagles

Now. After losing two on the trot a loss this week will pretty much write us off as contenders for a top four spot. I aint seen a second of the North game two weeks ago, so if I don/t see and report on it does that mean we really lost? And the Hawks game we had every chance to win but too much piss farting around cost us a win we should ave had. We/ve got plenty of injuries but that idiot Pamela is the crucial absentee. His guarantee one or two goals a game and his class with the ball is sorely missing, we ave plenty of midfielders a small forwards but hes the game changer we need. He would ave been the difference last week. So again, Pamela, you idiot One good positive was the first gamer Isaac Quaynor who I thought played great and happy to see has held his spot. Meanwhile Richard Noble is the new face in hell this week. West Coast in West Coast is a hell of a way to debut, so best of luck young man.

But before the game heres a few things that happened during the week that made me want to rant.

Bomber Thompson beat the drug charge, because the Magistrate found that he had no intention of selling the drugs. The man had 480 pingaz in his flat. So hes using the Father Ted defence of that money was just resting in my account. Bomber was just holding on to those pills.  I did laugh when I read how many pills he had and all that ice, and only one LSD tablet, that gave me a giggle. I don/t want Bomber in jail over this, I don/t think the streets of Melbourne are any more dangerous because Bomber is a free man, and if he went to jail I wouldn/t rest any easier at night. But for him to walk free is a joke. Fine him or give him a good behaviour bond, anything as opposed to the Magistrate basically saying sorry we wasted your time. I know, my mate Stuart was busted smoking when he was 13. His dad made him smoke the whole pack in one sitting as a punishment. I want Bomber to sit there and swallow every one of those 480 pills. Or give back to the community, ave an open house at Bombers house with him providing the merchandise. Hey Bomber, save me that one LSD tab.

Very sad to see Kevin Bartlett has left SEN, but I did love him pretty much telling Huchie and Co where to go. As a commentator I enjoyed KB. It was rough listening when Richmond was in there slump as I thought he sounded bitter at times, but overall I enjoyed his calls and views on the game. Called it as he saw it and wasn/t afraid to stick it to the AFL. Ive heard some people say its time to get rid of this old dinosaur. Thats what shits me with commentary in this country with the exception of people like Bruce, who for some reason seems to be an untouchable, it seems most callers ave a used by date and they move em on. Theres a few over 60s in commentary boxes, KB and Leigh Matthews the standouts, then theres some like David Parkin and Mark McClure where it appears the game has gone past em and like Bruce I question why they are there. Something went wrong in the last 15 years of sports coverage in Oz, it seems they/ve gone for personalities and wackiness as opposed to thoughtful breakdown of the game. I blame Triple M for bringing this whole entertainment side of things. As much as I hated Channel 9s boys club cricket commentary team they had the foresight to mix old with new. Richie Benaud and Bill Lawry where always treated with respect and people would rather listen to them those fools like Tubby and Ian Haley, and I love how pretty all of 9s callers where picked up by seven of Fox except these two. Watching the cricket coverage with these sad lot is like those kids that aint picked for any team when youd line em up on a fence when your picking teams for school sports. SEN went from a decent footy station to Hutchie ruining the joint with his stoopid picks over old favs. I was never a fan but sacking the Ox and Mark Allen after what would be there last show was pretty low, then again what would you expect from that grub Hutchie. I hope they clean him out on their lawsuit. Thanks for the years of service KB hope your back on the airwaves sooner rather than later.

Anyway lets get back to why where all here, the Pies game.

After a few beers with Mickster at his Off the Hip bunker I run home to drop my bag off and head to Carlisle Fish and Chips, best chip shop in the land (except for the Dingley Chip Shop) for a cheeseburger. Since the game starts at 8:10 i stroll as opposed to bolt to the Balaclava with eight minutes to spear to find no one is here. I light up as GG enters and again does an excellent job with the tables. A quick chat with Waz in the public bar and Jackie John and Lana enter not long before the bounce.

I turn up the telly and we/re off as Kennedy goes bang straightaway as I think fuck this is gonna be a long night. And to makes Matters worse Lingy is calling with BT as if I aint suffered enough pain in my life. Lingy gets his first comment in saying he doesn/t know what the Pies did wrong? Ah let em score? Good punch from Roughead Levi handballs to Cox pushes through an Eagle Gooster kicks to the Hyphen. Sidie to Matrix Samurai to the new face in Hell Noble Son of Rowdy has a good run of 20 meters but sadly hits the post. Cunt Carey says he needed to take advantage there. Levi holds em stops a run from the Eagles Krebs to Nobel Son of Rowdy turns it over Good punch from Moore and gets the ball outta the 50 Brownlow to AIsh Sidie Dole Cheque 65 out finds Screwdriver has a shot from 35 BANG we/re off 7-8. We/re also off as we get the hi 5s going as Fred enters. GG likes how we/re easing into it. Kennedy misses Sidie runs the ball over the boundary goods running mark from Billy Dole Cheque just holds the mark Cox marks 25 directly in front brilliant goal 13-9. Isaac is held. Waz said he like how the Pies are relaxed and not freaking out. Cox gives stoopid free away, to which BT claims the Eagles are happy about. Samurai paid a free kicks to Aish goes to the 50 finds Dole Cheque 40 out, Fred says Mad About You is now on the box regularly, a show I that was awful. Friday night must be shit TV night as Dole Cheque is on fire, no reason for him to stay on the couch. Dole Cheque nails it as I scream KING OF QUEENS 19-15. Lingy claims this is an interesting score. As to why he doesn/t explain. Please someone put this man in a Cannon thats aimed for Russia so I don/t ave to hear this gibberish anymore. Fred tells me his breakfast bangers and mash and a pint, or Swannys diet as I label it. Gooster to Dole Cheque holds but Eagles regroup and kick a goal down by 2. Shag is on the screen. Ah he touched the ball. Matrix is pinned Nic Nat to Rioli finds Cameron who gets this 3rd goal Samurai goes after Cox but cant hold the mark. Shag is hit. Gooster grabs the ball from the throw in and snaps from the pocket 31-33. Screwdriver marks from 70 and Cox takes a great mark from 30 and it goes straight through the sticks to take the lead back 37-33. Free to the Eagles as the Shag risks a 50 by bumping the bloke as he prepares for the kick but nothing comes of it. Thats my boy. The Hyphen denied a mark as Darling marks 30 in front plays on and Eagles take the lead going into smoko

Quarter Time

Pies 37

Eagles 39

Moore aint come back out which is a worry BT says some stoopid fact that when the Eagles are in front most quarters they win. Wow that mind is working overtime. Sidie and Krebs team up to knock one of em over Aish to Sidie Levi to Dole Cheque Cox again cant mark Shag touches the ball yay. BT says everyone is excited and he means everyone. As GGs says what if they hate both teams? Are they excited? Billy to Dole Cheque 40 out HOGANS HEROS now down by 2. Oh I think I forgot to report an Eagles goal. Eagles line up for a goal as GG tells me that Rose has granted me three chewy in ya boots and Im cashing one in early. I scream CHEWY ON YA And it works. ONYA ROSE. Dole Cheque is gone Eagles ave a shot again and it looks like such a shit kick im thinking it was touched but no it/s a goal as BT says every score helps. Fred talks David Kings and his lines he draws on the screen that really means fuck all as I say he should get Mr Squiggle as at least thatd be entertaining, Sier to Shag free to Eagles ave a run. Levi tackles bloke 45 out from Eagles goal as Moore is out with a Hammy FUCK. Cox marks 20 out no chance of missing 49-58. Costar comes in to check in on with Fred saying we/re staunch. I like that word im gonna use that more often. Fred said he wants another word to describe us but I forgot to write it down. A bloke that shears my surname is pinned by Isaac umps ball. Free to Samurai Nic Nat punches out as the Shag is on TV. Sidie to Isaac held Levi to Roughead Billy held Matrix taps to Son of Rowdy dribbles ball out of 50 as Lingy says we cant afford to concede a goal at this stage. Both teams scrapping the ball back and forward for the last two minutes the Angles am I ever gonna see your face again plays I wish this song would fuck off. Fred calls it, no more scoring for the rest of the quarter and hes right. Smoko.

Half Time

Pies 51

Eagles 64

Air time with Waz, who/s summary is the Eagles talls ave been firing and will our smaller blokes be able to hold up. Fred plays Fred band on his speaker as Corn Beef looks on in amazement. Sports Bet ave an ad with Allen Iverson selling his soul. Oh Allen, they ave a lame disclaimer at the end, they cant even be bothered with the whole gamble reasonability shit. We start with a crucial point. Samurai 70 out plays on Gooster has the ball 10 out is held gets it out to Screwdriver on the line brilliant 58-64. Hamish says we/re in it. Is there a worse family in Australian sport than the McLaughlins? Well maybe the Waterhouses. At leat Gil never got into some bullshit Willie Coyote scam like Fine Cotton. As me and Terry discussed the other night tha whole affair needs to be a film. Sidie to Gooster hits the ball out of bounds. Throw in Eagles kick out on the full Sier to Brownlow, Shag to Samurai held Eagles take straight to their end. Matrix hurt Billy to Krebs Crisp handballs Eagles marks on Eagles line and goal as Keith Waz and some fella walk in with a conga line while Costa films our reaction. Three days later im still trying to figure what the fuck that was all about? There not Eagles fans and not even big footy fans, and there was no cat cry of go eagles. I think that was done just to upset us. Gasp. Oh well. And they get another FUCK. GG brings in food, rolls olives chees and salami. He makes a beautiful spread and prepares me a very tasty roll as again Corn Beef looks on in amazement. BT says if the Eagles kick the next goal it will be dangerous. Dole Cheque from 60 finds Billy as he punches ball over for a point. Free to Roughead but kicks to an Eagle 30 from their home. Krebs marks on the line but Sidie is paid a free kicks to Krebs to the Gooster Matrix hyphen Billy Screwdriver 50 from home no mark Shag is hit which im livid over Samurai finally gets a tap over Nic Nat. Samurai lands a shit kick has Billy punches for a throw in Shag again on screen Sidie to Noble to Crisp and again Cox no mark Sier to Sidie to the Eagles they get as close to 60 meters out. Cox free finds Sidie Crisp, Shag ends the quarter holding the ball on his back

3 quarter time

Pies 60

Eagles 76 

After the last fag break Fred shows the wonderful present he got for Millie. A wonderful kids book of the same name with Freds touch only he can add. Crisp runs 30 meters and finds Crocker but hit as he tries to run around two eagles. BT for some reason mentions Barry Crocker. Levi to Dole Cheque from 30 hits the fucking post. Samurai to SHAG held Dole Cheque soccers from 15. Another point. I forgot to write the score but im calling it crucial. Screwing Jets Shivers plays as me and GG just look and shake heads in disbelief how such a terrible band was allowed to cover an Oz classic. It least Rowland got a good pay day out of it. Cox flys but cant hold on. As Fred says fuck we need this. Screwdriver keeps the ball in nothing happens Billy cant hold the mark centers to Shag. I knew it hes gonna be the hero. No he passes to Samurai. What a team player he is the Shag. Samurais kick smothered Aish to Sier Cox still cant hold the mark Eagles kick out on the full. So far it/s all been us but we cant convert. And this kicking to Cox needs to stop. If hes all alone fine but not in a pack situation it/s too risky at this stage of the game. Sidie to Crisp Matrix to Crocker who kicks another minor. Lingy says the pies need to try something else. Kick goals maybe? Sier Isaac loose ball Crocker holds bloke Crisp lands a shit kick out on full. But straightway leads to Eagles out of the full. Great Bloke Gaffs kick leads to nothing. Even though we aint punishing em the Eagles aint taken the chances they had, I keep thinking there gonna get one crucial goal to end it but its just hasn/t come. Finally some steadiness as Dole Cheque marks 25 straight in front. BT says this will ave to be good. Thankfully he is good. 69-76. Lingy claims the Pies ave given everything at this point. Oh thats good as opposed to half arsed effort or not showing up. Sadly I think comments like this is Lingy giving it everything he has. Billy to the Shag Dole Cheque again the target cant hold on Gooster from nowhere amazing kick from the pocket two goals in a minute and fuck I wrote us off at 3 quarter time but now we/re a chance. 75-76. Sier to the Gooster Dole Cheque Samurai taps the ball in Eagles grab it but kicks to Aish standing all alone 50 out. Just misses 76 ALL. Noble cant hold the mark from Aish Son of Rowdy is held, umps ball. Pies paid free in Eagles 50 Matrix kicks to Gooster taps the ball 15 meters while running amazing play Son of Rowdy slides and is pinned as we reach a stalemate. Isaac kicks hi ball Screwdriver to Crocker who lands the most crucial point of the game. For now. Pies by 1. Levi to Crisp Sidie again Cox falls short. Should point out Hamish keeps saying how we are just under whatever number of minutes left. When its 4:59 he/ll say just under five minutes every time the clock is under a certain minute. It aint radio Hamish we can read, mind you I guess he better say something as football is not his strength. Pies land the ball in the 50 but with no one there leads to throw in. Brownlow lands the ball but another grab leads to the ump again aving the pill. Samurai to the Shag who leads to another minor. I actually don/t know if he kicked that but I want him to be the hero so im gonna leave it at that. And that is the most crucial point of the game. Eagles go but Noble stops em in the center. Matrix given a free but kicked straight to Darling. For some reason I wrote in my notes Speedboy despite the fact he was dropped. I wrote his name twice, one time next to the hyphen. Fred GG if you know that was about let me know. Anyway ball punched away from the Eagles Sidie to Crocker whose hit as Gooster chases the ball over the line. Darling has a shot, 50 on the boundary a tough kick. I/ve only used one of Roses Chewy on ya boot and if there was ever a time it pull it out it us now. The kick falls short.. Once again ONYA ROSE Pies by one. Cox marks the kick in on the 50. Tough mark where he beat three Eagles in a pack, thats the moment the game was secure and I can rest easy but despite GG asking me I anit calling it. Cox finds Krebs Billy lost to Nic Nat but ball over for a throw in. Samurai from the throw in wins the tap and lands a kick that leads to another throw in this time 60 from home. Dole Cheque to Sidie kicks backwards to Aish finds the Shag, Brownlow. The ball lands with Billy and that will do it.




On Monday at work I was looking at the ladder happy to see we reclaimed second on the ladder, and a fella walks by and said did my beloved Eagles win? Now I can understand if you were working and didn/t get a chance to look at the score I could understand asking that question but three days after the game? Just how beloved are they to this bloke?

One fella I ave no doubt about his loyalty to the Pies is my Dingley Correspondent Tim, who text me straight after the game, as opposed to three days later, who asked the question how the fuck did we win that. No idea but it was a good show of character and our mental state we were able to get over the line. I wrote us off going into the final smoke break but the fact they shut the Eagles down to one  point in the last quester is a credit to their pressure and defence, and even though we ave injuries the fact we were able to win possibly the hardest road trip shows we aint done yet. The kids Noble and Isaac where in great form hope they get selected this week. But its far from over. The Giants and Richmond round off July and the Tigers are rising and only getting better. To secure top 4 we need to win both games. Im gonna call it, if we win more games we/ll finish hire on the ladder. See, its those comments that earn me the big bucks.

Anyway thanks for reading, see yous at the Bala this Saturday.


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