Round 19 v Tigers

Pies v Richmond

Well the curse of July continues for the pies. Aving one win in four games, and an absolute pantsing by the giants last week, we/ve gone from September contenders to the possibility of not even making the 8. Tonight is what commentators like to call a Blockbuster. Im not confident but aving beaten the Tigers the last two times you never know whats gonna happen. After some questionable selections last week and the injuries still building up the run home is looking more and more harder, and also for once will the tables be set ready for us when we arrive at the Bala. Our CEO Pete has put GG on notice. So lets see what unfolded

I see Mickster at his Off the Hip base, a mad tigers fan he starts the trash talk five hours before the bounce. He says expect a three quarter time text gloating bout the Tigers win. Yeah we/ll see. I arrive at Johhnys at 6:30 to see Fred and Dave, Pete and Jo enter not far behind me. I tell Pete we need a camp in how to escort Fred from Johnnys to the Bala as our attempts to Bolt to the Bala ave been a mix bag. It gets to 7:35 and I say lets bolt, Fred is still playing but he knows where we are. On the way me and Pete discuss will GG be there and will the tables be set up. Pete says there will be hell to pay if GG doesn/t ave the tables in order

We arrive just in time for the bounce, Jackie is here, no GG, and people are sitting in our regular seats. I don/t like change.

As I run to the bar I see Cox awarded a free and misses to get us off the mark. But straightaway the Gooster goals as we/re off and running 7-0. That goal was in dispute, more on that later in the rant. Jo says she hopes the score stays the same for the rest of the game. Get the Shag to play kick to kick with the Gooster and we/ll win. If I had the shoehorn I would ave told Bucks that but hes disconnected the line. I sit at the royal box, ie the booth Tigers miss. BT says three touches clean as a whistle as our mate Kev is here. Cox to the Gooster Sidie Gooster again Matrix Cox again no mark Trav wants a free not getting it free to Samurai in the 50 shit kick leads to a point. Lingy says its been all kicking from the Pies, need more possessions. How can a three time premiership player say a whole lot of nothing? Tigers win the clearance as GG enters. Pete lets him ave it says he had one job. Hes using no phone as the excuse. Which also means no tram tracker. Pete informs him sanctions will happen, probably means he won/t clean up on awards night as excepted. Sidie intercepts taps to Crisp kicks to Dusty Isaac runs past the ball Shag to Dole Cheque Sidie kicks on the full Kev asks my prediction, I say anyones game I ask Kev his call he says Tigers just. Waz finally gets sound on the telly. Tigers hit the point post leads to throw in. Jo gets her chips as me and Pete pop for the gravy boat. Gooster to Billy Son of Rowdy Dole Cheque held, throw in. Shag to Speedboy Can/t Stand Ya intercepts passes to Brasher Roughhead punches ball and gives away ridiculous free. Richo makes so lame justification Tigers goal bad bounce for the Pies sees Tigers goals again, Jo has faith said we will come from behind. Anyway during the week Cunt Carey made comments on Idiot Pamela, being a fool for posting pictures of his holiday. While it wasn/t the best of looks Carey is not the person that should be judging peoples actions overseas. Straightaway Tigers  go 50 again, Waz helps that nice Richmond lady that watched the game with us last time get the telly on in the lounge area. Onya Waz. Samurai to Shag low scrappy ball, bullshit free against Scharenberg with the lot. Tigers bloke kicked it but Scharenberg tapped it and he was paid deliberate even though it was going out anyway, that umpire is not a bold headed flog but hes a cunt, and Jackie agrees with me. I guess that means I won/t be taking mum and dad to the footy this coming week with language like that. Kick gets what it deserves as Roughead punches for a single. Cox held no free despite both hands being held. Free paid to Shag kicked straight to Screwdriver. Tigers miss as Fred enters with his Beetlejuice jacket and does a dance for the guys in our seats. Krebs marks, Jackie aint happy and screams bunch of cunts. Tigers goal as Eddie aint happy. Me as well. Tigers goal again as this is looking like an ugly night. Fred has an omen for us as Andrew Pendlebury was standing at Johnnys just before in the same spot Fred was singing in. i/ll take it

Quarter time

Pies 8

Tigers 34.

Mickster didn/t wait til the third break he text me already with a tiger emoji. Fuck if I was him I would ave. No sound again but I fix that. As Scott enters. Bruce says Pies need to hit scoreboard. I swear him and Lingy are taking turns who can be the bigger deadshit. Gooster takes great mark 40 from home. Kicks out on the full. Tigers straightaway go coast to coast, and of course theres no one in the fucking 50. Fucking pathetic that was. Way to easy. They go to the review but why bother it clearly was a six pointer. With all this we take time to discuss Fred Bassett. Jo said it was in a Tory paper in the UK, maybe it/s a conservative comix, maybe thats why I don/t find it funny. Fred calls it postmodern and asks me to do a postmodern review of Fred Basset. Challenge accepted Fred. Tigers goal as Fred says our quarter is postmodern. Jo says Tigers are getting too cocky and we/ll come from behind. I wish I had her faith. Pete mentions Fred missed the one hi 5 we had. Sidie marks, Pete mentions Sidies head is shinny. He reckons hes shinned it up, I reckon its bowling ball shinned. Put his head in there for 20 minutes it looks like. The Shag looks like hes had a haircut, Fred thinks it/s the rain. I disagree it/s a haircut. I get onto the phone to my Dingley correspondent Tim who isn/t watching the game, Dicko is on to me he also is livid Fred says it could be worse, we could be losing this badly against the suns. Petes blaming GG for all this. Thankfully tigers shot is touched. Son of Rowdy has a shot but misses. Billy has a go, leads to thrown in Shag is his usually wonderful self, Freds calling it a game of two halfs and hes going home to get his Joffa jacket from home. Isaac marks in the 50 Speedboy to Gooster Shag tackles a bloke, thats a vote for him. Cox hits the post Shag is held as we see the bold headed flog on screen. We discuss whether the Shag has cut its hair again im saying he has. Matrix goals Fred brings up the omen. GG says that was the omen, the goal was it nothing more. Crocker gets a goal after the siren the callers are giving us hope buts its too little too late for me.

Half Time

Pies 24

Tigers 61

Roaming Brian is now on at Half Time as if I aint suffered enough

Keith in the cage discuss the game, saying he was hoping for a close game, I wanted a Pies win so neither of us got what we wanted. Jo says they/ll ave the fire in the belly and come out swinging. We go 50 Hyphen is there. We/ve seen little of Dole Cheque. I see Rocky 6 is on so hes probably busy with that. One of my favourite Simpsons jokes is Bart using Roman Numerals to get out of the lion cage and brining up Rocky Films and says Rocky 7 Adrian/s revenge. Adrian is dead in rocky 6 so we won/t get to see Adrians revenge, damn. Shag marks billy cant score. Crisp gives the ball to a tiger, this Lynch fella is killing us and Roughed is not coming back, we/re fucked just in case we weren/t before. Lynch has I shot I channel Rose by screaming chewy on ya boot and it works. Coconut rough is brought up, I ask Pete if you ave that on Scharenberg with the lot, Pete says if you find a hot spot, I mention  cheese, Pete likes that, GG not so much. Fred says hes post football now. Cant Stand Ya hits the post. Brownlow punches ball back Shag handballs Pies kick a point Bruce says thats not what they wanted to do. Seriously please retire Bruce. Tigers goal Scharenberg lays tackle shit kick from, Tigers kicks out on the full but the kick from Crisp is terrible. Speedboy misses a shot, I want to know where Dole Cheque is? Pete says the best of Matlock must be on. Great hit from Crocker but free from yellow maggot Dusty kicks out on the full. Cox wraps bloke up Gooster from 30 we blow our load. BT says if they get one more before the break it would be huge. Fuck sake. And of course they get one back, Cunt Carey says Pies need more marks. Cant stand ya marks, Fred says thats our kryptonite aving players from the other team with Dole TV names.

3 quarter Time

Pies 40

Tigers 78

Crisp kicks leads to throw in Cox marks stoopid free from Gils men, Hyphen Crisp Tigers goal. Fred reckons it was Crocker not the Gooster that kicked the first goal. Im certain it was Gooster. Im not looking back at the Stats. We see a close up of the Shag, oh it was the rain not a haircut.  Billy gets one and we dance. Shag gets a touch. Pete says we need to win games from now on. Fuck indeed we need to win this week. For some reason I bring up a Don Lane table and how big you want it to be, I tell Jo she doesn/t want to know what that reference is. Samurai marks, Bruce calls him a good player. Lingy agrees. How much money do these two earn. Eddie is seen leaving. Matrix goals which is good for percentage, Siren sounds as I turn the telly off

After the game the lovely Jo exists as Marcus sings the Tigers song, despite not going for em. I never understand cheering for a team you don/t support. Kev exists to the night as well. Me Fred GG and Pete sing the Flaming Lips before we go our ways. We all play tram tracker by standing on the road. GG has a beer inside but is locked out, no phone and now this. We go our separate ways as I go to the market and hear someone shout Matty. Its Missi who always brings a smile to my face. Pete texts me saying Rocky 6 still going. What a way to end the night. The next say Dicko calls to rant on the game. We both agree selection committee as a lot to answer for, where was the Sack? We both agree if we win a final we/ll be happy.

Well that season to a turn for the worst. Yes we/ve had injuries but the team that took the field on the night was decent, while a few players coming back would help its really not an excuse. While plenty of blokes are missing, really Idiot Pamela and Moore are the two bookends we/re missing. With Lynch and Riewoldt there was no way Howe could stop both, one maybe but not both. And while Jack had a quiet night Lynch exploded, he certainly is worth the money. Sidie, Crisp and my boy the Shag ave been the only consistent good players in the last few weeks. The Hypehn and Dole Cheque who are usually solid contributors ave been quiet but they aint alone, so many blokes ave gone missing. I think our first Tigers game of the year we played our best which is good enough to beat anyone, while the last two weeks ave been our worst performances of the season and with performances like that theres few teams we can beat. Anyway, we play the Jobbers (wrestling term that) next week, ie the Suns. If we lose that game we don/t deserve to play finals, and i/ll quit this rant.

So, can the Pies find form before September?

What happens when I take ma and dad to the footy on Sunday?

Can GG reclaim his awards night awards with the setting of the tables?

Find out all this and more next week for the Suns game

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