Round 20 v Suns

As mentioned July is our shithouse month. Aving come of our two worst performances of the season the Pies need to come out swinging against the Jobbers (wrestling term look it up) ie the Suns. If we lose today we don/t deserve to play finals. Today im doing something different, im taking my beloved ma n dad to the MCC for a pleasant Sunday arvo out. Ma is a Dons fan and had little interest in the game today, but will be nice spending an arvo with my two favorite people.

Ma and Dad arrive at my Elwood office to walk to the station. I point out a block of apartments two doors down from me, I inform em that this pad smells like weed. Dad asks me how I would know what weed smells like? I shoot back a look that says really?

Walking out of Richmond station and I see a buggy with crutches, which can only belong to Bernie One Leg, one of the most hardcore Pies men. Will try and catch him later in the arvo.

With 25 minutes to kill I think Ive earned a pint before the bounce. But what do I see. The fucking bar on level is 3 closed. ALL OF EM. Even the schooner express line. Oh I am ever so pissed. Ive been the shield games where the bar is open. One time the barman said he would buy me a beer if I didn/t leave him on his own. What the fuck am I gonna do? And I realized I left my fags at home. Oh this is gonna be a ling arvo. Ma asks if id like a coffer. With my head down I mumble yes.

I see Brickhead Jono Brown on the boundary, I feel sorry for my Bala quorum aving to put up with this stooge. Suns win the toss, I guess they gotta win something. Sunday arvo is the graveyard time for TV, so hopefully Dole Cheque will but in a four quarter performance. We see the countdown clock til the bounce. I hate that, it/s too American for me.

I let out a Ric Flair WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO which freaks out ma. Ma aint a fan of the Suns colors saying they look like workmen on the side of the road. Suns given a free as I see the Shag running. Oh I can see him run all day. Lucky me. Crisp marks, I point to Shag, dad greases me off and says Brownlow. He kicks to Brownlow, Dad is still mystified for my love of the Shag while I cant understand his contempt for his, shit kick as Suns turn over and ave a shot and nail it. Suns get a way to easy passage but only get a minor. Howe refuses to kick to the Shag for fuck sake, Cox touches the mark pathetic play from the Pies leads to another goal. Oh this is looking bad, And I repeat THE BAR IS CLOSED. Ma asks what the purple men are there for? The runners ma? Matrix handballs to a Sun Billy kicks high ball, given a free for push in the back, leads to a minor. Shag handballs to Wills but bloke right behind him but nothing happens Suns all over us like a cheap suit. Or the way im all over a fag which I wish I had right now. Three stalemates in a minute which overs two meters, ma says this is not good football. I agree. Good hit from Krebs sees ball over the line. Krebbs tackles bloke that ducks, good umpiring for not paying a free for high. Sidie handballs to Dole Cheque kicks to Brownlow 40 out ah that’s better 7-13. Suns go 50 good hit from Roughead leads to throw in. Crisp to Brownlow Dole Cheque 30 out shit kick leads to nothing. Roughead on the wing Crisp to Son of Rowdy finally we hit the front. 14-13. Straightaway Cox to Brownlow from 65 Billy 15 out and I know Fred and Pete will be dancing now. 20-13. Brownlow has been involved with all the goals so far, hes on a roll. Wills to Brownlow no mark Billy Shag Scharenberg with the lot Adams to Howe has a shot but aint gonna get near the big sticks. Cox given a free waists it leads to Suns goal. Ma asks if that big fella is from America. She asks if hes a good kick. As he has a shot I say not then. Brownlow goes 50 fins Cox. Hes taken two marks in a row! And he converts. Well its smoko, oh thats right

Quarter Times

Pies 27

Suns 20

Quarter time sees some flog pulling a lady outta the crowd and getting her to ave a shot at goal for a voucher. He asks why shes here. Ah the footy she says. Sigh I wish I was at the pub. Ma brings Pies and chips back, bless her. But while I was eating lunch I missed out on the first seven minutes. Trav and Sidie goal thats about it. Good hit from the Shag Sidie has ball on the edge of the Suns 50 finds the Hyphen leads to on the full. Sidie to Billy Dole Cheque to Trav dad says the balls too high but Trav marks. Misses up by 22. Kick in straight to the Hyphen beautiful kick they/ve gone to the review but clearly a goal onya Hyphen 54-26. We then see the Suns playing kick to kick ma doesn/t like this keepings offs style of football. Shag is benched for fuck sake. Crisp 50 out Suns pushed Dole Cheque not free. Scrappy ball in the Suns 50 Speedboy great run 60-26. Straightaway Brownlow to Billy is held but gets the ball out bang 66-26. Shit free against the Shag leads to Suns goal. We cut to a Suns fan on the fence saying I believe. Believe what, that your club is relevant?  I look a ma and dad and say I need to find the bar.

Half Time

Pies 60

Suns 32

I walk to the Ponsford Stand to see Bernie. His mate Bruce joins us as we ave a quick chat on the game. Bernie says he thought he was watching the three Stooges at times. There were moments of brilliance but a lot of pathetic play there. Any other team would ave punished us. Shag to Sier Adams Son of Rowdy finds the Hyphen in the Square 67-32. Throw in the Pies 50 the Samurai wins the tap then wins the footy what a kick 79-32. Suns go 50 but Shag stops it. Trav to the Hyphen Sidie to Speedboy to Dole Cheque in the square 85-32. Adams to Wills Hyphen back to Wills Sidie marks 30 out the fool plays on and misses sigh. Wills kicls in the 50 hyphen brilliantly keeps the ball in Sidie soccers a much better 98-32. Ma says this will be good for percentage. Fred and Pete taunt me from the Bala saying the beer is going down nice. Fred also asks me how much is a beer in the members? Sigh. Suns goal but you wouldn/t know as it/s so quiet.  Howes mark of the year contender is not paid. Theres some wanker behind me with his shoe on my chair and I slam my back to get his foot off, bangs on about a wedding and how this is a good semester while his lady companion just says yeah and that’s nice over and over. Wills has ball I wants Shag again dad Brownlow. Dole Cheque 40 out, there really must be fuck all on TV 98-38. That wanker behind me says oh that was a good goal like hes an expert. Hyphen gets another 104-38, that wanker behind me says Sidie is BOG. Stevie Wonder could see that.

Three Quarter Times

Pies 104

Suns 38

Matrix nails a goal within 30 second, what a captains goals.

Not much else happened. I broke the seel in the third quarter. Nice to not ave to run to the toilet every 30 minutes. Since im way over deadline will leave it there as really fuck all happened.

I hug ma and dad good buy as im off to Dogs for a well earned beer as two people beep their horns as me. One was complimentary.

  Well fuck we needed that. Good to finally be back on the winners list. I told dad I find Screwdriver underrated. He agrees but said thats the problem, him Sidie Crisp Matrix Brownlow and Gooster are always in form, while others come and go. Good to see Dole Cheque and Hyphen finally play at there best. And now Cox is down for the season. The Dees are no certainty so we/ll ave our work cut out.

Anyway, thanks Ma and dad for coming with me, looking forward to getting back to the office on Saturday. Im just spewing I misses GG and the CEO talk soccer.

GO PIES

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