With three weeks to go and coming off beating the Jobbers the Pies must win to secure a finals spot, which this week sees us playing the snow bunnys. I stayed over the night at Geelong and came back to Smith Street for a party, so I knew I was gonna ave to do a Phantom to be able to watch the game.
Anyway, Friday night I was holed up in the Barwon Club which had the company of one Leaping Larry L, one of my favourite sports commentators out there. His podcast Footy Fowl House is essential listening and I encourage you all to listen to it at the Leapster Bugle. I crashed at my mate Glennos pad as we drove to Melbourne for his 50th the next day. At quarter time I get a message from my Dingley Correspondent Tim (I need to ask him if hes still living in Dingley) saying what a shit game. I get the phone for the score, ah, maybe i/ll stay at the party. 20 minutes later hes back on the blower saying what I turn around. I also see a photo Jackie has posted of her amazing set up of the tables at the Bala. She even arrived two hours before the game, now thats dedication. We may ave a new table arranger watch out GG. When I check the score I do the phantom stick my thumb out and get a car. Is it a phantom if I say goodbye to the host and the group I was talking to?
I walk in at Half Time and see Fred Pete Jackie Casey and Mark at the table. Jackie has done a wonderful job with the table arrangements, Pete says GG title as seat arranger is up in the air. Before the bounce a discussion takes place as to what you would call a group of octopus. Pete suggests a flock, Fred reckons it/s a group of seagulls you would call a flock which is an excuse to mention that New Years Eve gig a Flock of Seagulls played the Venue in the 80s. I cant start writing my report until I smash a fag and ave a beer at the table, so after getting some smoke in my lungs and a beer in hand now I can get to the coverage. I bring out the party blower Leroy gave us for GGs birthday a few weeks ago, Fred tells me to settle, reminding me I aint in the public bar anymore.
Billy to the Hyphen, with a fucking dribble kick to a Dees bloke in the square. Matrix 70 metres out thumping kick to Billy but with a pack situation hes too short to mark Sidie to Matrix Dees get the ball to the centre Wills taps to Brownlow bands his head on Nathan Jones leg, Billy marks 40 out just misses up by 18. Matrix from 40 goes bang 43-19. GG aint here to give us a score for the hi 5s, so im giving us a 10 for that effort. Straightaway Trav goes bang 49-19. G Lyon on the call says enough is enough, for what reason I don/t no. Enough is enough of him being a boring git that says nothing interesting? For fuck sake Garry say something interesting. He then goes on and says Pamela is still a chance of playing finals. For fuck sake you think? What football expert school did he go too? Madgen lands a good hit but paid a free against him, some daft Dees bloke grabs Madgens jumper and refuses to let go. Hows that not a free ump? Dees bloke has a shot, fuck it looks like our mate Dave Dare. Chimney sweep by day plays for the Dees on the weekend how does he do it? G Lyon says the Dees ave been better the last few minutes. Well they scored a goal, the first foer 30 minutes so yes Gaz is right that is better. Hyphen swings round high kick misses Bucks aint happy. Scharenberg with the lot has the ball, again I bring up what should be in a burger with the lot, i want bacon and runny egg, Fred reminds me this is game day not book club and I need to focus. Anyway Dole Cheque marks 20 out and nails it, Fred starts singing the Mad About You theme. I watched that on my time off, god that has aged badly, not that I liked it the first time round. Brownlow given free for holding, now heres where my notes fail me, I wrote Sidie 30 seconds, I don/t know what that means. Theres some Dees bloke with a Shag like haircut. Hes such a trendsetter they all want to be the Shag but theres only one. Crisp has an amazing run, two bouncers kick from 60 no one in the square outstanding effort 62-26. Pete gives the Hi 5s 12 out of 10 as Hudo says the Dees are getting a good probing. Ah nah I think they/re getting goals kicked against em Hudo, god to think I once liked him. Screwdriver from 60 finds Krebs 40 out shit free paid against him. We bring Crisp up, as we had an idea once whenever hed score a goal wed eat some crisp, but we all wanted different flavours so that idea was just a thought pretty much. Jackie brings up light and tangy crisps and ask if they were Smiths, I can confirm they was, or are I don/t know. Dees fuck up a chance G Lyon wants son of Rowdy penalized but as if anyones listening to that boring cheating fuck. Petes called it, Samurai has the Brownlow all wrapped up and won. It/s the Shag for me thats one it for me. Another fake Shag for the Dees appears, has a shot but of course he misses as hes a wannabee
3 quarter time
After a fag I walk in to see Dole Cheque get his fourth EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND INDEED. 69-26. Hyphen to Trav 15 out kicks up the kick Dees get it out, Daicos to Shag but cant beat three Dees. Hes only human. Petracca kicks a Dees goal, Pete says he wouldn/t get a game at Collingwood with a name like that. Hyphen to the Matrix Dole Cheque beaten by two Dees as they get another point Wills to Samurai Sidie five meters out pinned Petraccas hit by Son of Rowdy Billy to Trav but touched on the line. We see some Melbourne blokes with helmets on, Pete mentions they can be used as skiing helmets as well. Theres a fake Shag for the Dees hearing a headband, that bloke didn/t get the memo bout skiing, which is where all those Dees fans in the rain now will be going in a few minutes. Dave Dare has a shot and misses. Max Gawn kicks one, hes tailormade for the snow. He goals wonder if Google told him that. Dees get a goal with five minutes to go to take em within four goals. Hudo acts as if they just hit the front of the grand final with a minute to go, when it was a consolation goal as they ave no chance of winning. Later a Dees bloke soccers it a has a shot, Hudo screams clever. How clever? Its out of the full you fucking idiot. You certainly aint clever Hudo. Shag beats the fake shag, proving the original is always the best, he also calls it a important point not an important point and that will do us
After the game David King says without Pamela we need more players to kick goals. And thats why he earns the big bucks. We then sit down to watch the game of the season, the Lions vs Suns, with our new favourite player Zorko. Fred makes up some amazing story of the planet Zorko, wish I remembered it.
Two wins in a row, but not convincing and against bottom teams. But hey we made it. Pamela will be ready for the finals and hopefully Moore will be back which will be big ins. It’s the same six blokes playing good games, we need less passengers which theres at least ten out there right now.
Sorry for short rant, will be at the Bala from the start next week so will resume normal broadcasting next week.
See yous Saturday