Round 22 v Crows

Now. The Pies are going for a threepeat against the Crows. Despite winning the last two they were hardly inspiring wins and while finals is guaranteed we aint been in form you want to ave in August for the run home. But it/s been an open season with no team being the dominate force all season, and going into September its an open race. So today and next week we/ll see if we/re contenders or if we/re just making up the numbers. Anything can happen. Speaking of anything can happen im finally gonna watch a whole game at the Balaclava for the first time in three rounds, whats gonna happen with the table set ups? Will someone do it or will we be all over the shop? One way to find out………

My first stop off of the day is the St Kilda Bowlo to watch the second half of the Saints Blues game, great second half and a hell of a finish, both teams, Saints in particular will be pushing for finals next season. Chairman Frank and Kim are here, always got time for them, as well as Geezer who/s got a rough day ahead with staying up for the Ashes and the Tigers game at 1:10PM the next day.

 GG enters for the last few moments of the clash, I plan on skipping the last few minutes to get a tram to the Balaclava but was such a tight game im watching the end of this bout.

I wait til the end of the game to leave the Bowlo as I board a 16 to get to the Bala. On the way the CEO Pete calls me informing me he will be there late. I tell him to leave the table set up to me as GG will also be late. Jackie also buzzed me asking me to take care of the tables. Such reasonability but im up for it

As I walk town I bump into Tarquin, im calling that an omen. I walk in to see we/ve already kicked a goal. No one is here and some prick is sitting in our spot watching the end of the Cats Lions game, for fuck sake does he know who we are? Anyway I get a beer land in a booth as I find the Pies game 7 minutes in and settle in. Fred shows up immediately as we hold camp in the booth for the time being. As Fred comes back with a beer we/re up 7-1 as Roughead lines up for a goal and we/re excited but his shot is marked on the line. We see Tex Walker and his ugly mo, Jono Brown says don/t expect him to kick five goals a game. What a forward kicking goals in a game? Don/t be ridiculous. Crisp to Krebs Roughead again this time misses up by 7. Free to the Crows Shag is on the screen Tex marks on crows 50 Nobel stops the push. Fred says his dad had mates that where Nobel and Langdon and both play for the Pies. Nobel has a kick which Fred calls a Nobel Kick. I say I was a teenage Nobel kick. Crows again push forward Trav in the square stops two crows. Huddo claims at least he got boot to ball. Well Huddo its called football for a reason. The Cats Lions game ends and the bloke leaves as I jump up and change the channel to the Pies game as me and Fred put three tables together. Owen enters saying maybe he should go for the Crows for balance. We say yeah, nah. Why anyone would cheer for a team they don/t support boggles my mind. Billy has a shot me and Fred get up and dance 14-3. Tex Walker has a go, me and Fred give him a chewy on ya boot. It works Onya Rose. Krebs to Nobel kick is smothered good second effort from Nobel Levi handball is punched away Shag is there Levi kicks to Krebs who kicks to the crows. Mark 35 out Huddo says this bloke is not a bloke you want aving a shot. Well why is he on the park then? Terrible kick which Fred calls a cunt of a kick which takes me to smoko.

Quarter Times

Pies 14

Crows 5

Eddie Betts kicks to Darce 40 out falls short Crows mark in the square but Howe given a free for push. Haha. Kicks to the Samurai, Dunstall says re that push in back free kick, don/t give a free kick fine him later in the week. Tex should be fined for that Mo. Adams Nobel SHAG Trav Dole Cheque Billy has a run leads to throw in, Shag stops Eddie weaving his magic Razor Ray pays a free, finally I get to say it again, Fuck Off Razor. I miss saying that. Kick to Speedboy straight to Crow crows kick to Samurai Scharenberg with the Lot to Screwdriver Son of Rowdy no mark from Roughead Shag kick to Rowdy leads to a throw in. Samurai to Adams whose hit Sidie to Adams Brownlow Speedboy, who Huddo says he seized the mark. I guess you gotta say he took the mark in a different manner. Butches the kick up by 13. Pete enters we all hi 5, Owen wants in but nah, just for the Pies. Bernie Two Legs also enters aving been at the Saints game. Shag to Krebs from 50 gonna fall short bounces in, bloke chasing it but too late what a kick 21-6 what a way to kick your first goal of the season. We then cut to the center to see Raza policing the area. Brownlow to Sidie Billy hit 40 out Wills is holding his own hits crows not paid for holding. Dunstall says its fun watching Sidie. I cam imagine him going yay and blowing party poppers everytime Sidie grabs the ball. Dole Cheque intercepts the ball must be an ad break. Shag to the Hyphen Sidie Wills Crisp Matrix had a shot just miss/s up by 16. We see Don Pyke the ground, possibly going home. Madgen stops Tex marking crows play kick to kick for what seems like three minutes lands with Wills all that for nothing not even a forward entry. Shag gives away a deliberate, and again Fuck Off Razor. Which leads to the Crows kicking their first goal which leads to Bucks banging the table for the first time today. Pete says GG has lost his tables award, its an open field for awards night Trav 15 out what a snap of the ball 28-12. Pete comments on the callers saying there using bigger words so they/ll get a jersey for the finals. Howe marks Matrix Sidie Madgen lead to out on the full. Speedboy to Shag Dole Cheque marks with little pressure Huddo says the Crows are under siege, name dropping shit Steven Seagal movies now, well you got fuck all to say on footy gotta talk something. Bernie shows how the Saints fans to their cha cha chas, and we kick a goal forgot to write who kicked it, but I wrote what a goal 35-12. Crows goal as we go 50 once more leads to nothing as Fred gets Nicky Del Ray on his stereo for the half time smoko.

Half Time

Pies 35

Crows 18

Special comments from Mark Ricciuto: if Pies score heavily they/ll win. The noggin working overtime there. Also crows need to move the ball fast. But what if they move it fast but kick to the Pies? Mark has no answer. Wills starts good finds Brownlow Billy Nobel Dole Cheque just gets boot to ball. Just misses. Adams straightaway has a shot 40 on the boundary brilliant 42-18. Samurai to Billy in 8 seconds great diving mark as we dance again 48-18 No GG yet so I rate that 12 out of 10. Fred says that dancing was worthy of the Tony Bartuccio dancers of Don Lane Show fame. He did ave a nice coffee table on that show the Lanester  And again Billy goes bang 54-18 Jono Brown says 666 over again which makes me sing Iron Maiden. And Billy again, I say no way and it is no way as he misses 25 from the boundary. Mark Ricciuto says we/re both playing for percentage. Well there are two teams playing so yes we are both playing for percentage, he aint wrong. Bucks is eyeing finals as now Dole Cheque Smoothers crows kick Wills to Brownlow Billy held as Huddo says they knew it coming. Yes Huddo those Crows blokes had no idea what that ball coming down was all about, it took em a few goes to figure it out. Madgen does a great pin for holding yet no free again Fuck off Razor. Crows ave a shot which Huddo calls a clever kick. It/s a point you fucking idiot. Eddie weaves some magic as he keeps the ball in but is knocked out eventually. Billy to the Hyphen 35 out great kick 61-19 Pete asks Hyphen before or after the cha cha chas.. I say after. I rate that 11 Straightaway Trav from 15 out, 67-19. Crows get a point, im just waiting for the callers to call it crucial, thankfully they aint that stoopid. Screwdriver to Billy kick to Trav marks centre meter perfect, seriously an amazing short kick right on the chest amazing. stuff Unfortunately Travs kick is disappointing and misses. But Trav redeems himself with a kick to Screwdriver a brilliant one handed mark and great kick 74-20 Huddo says the Pies aint finished yet. I should hope not theres still a quarter and five minutes to go. Scharenberg with the lot has a kick, again leads to a discussion with what should be on a burger with the lot. Fred says tomato sauce, Pete BBQ sauce, me Mayo. GG enters as we miss Howes mark of the year contender. Brownlow after the sirens kick falls short. Bernie is doing his own Cha Cha Chas which GG tells him to stop.

3 quarter time

Pies 74

Crows 26

Finally we see some Eddie Magic with a sharp soccer right on the goal line. Not his best but some fine work from the master. As I ask the question is that my beer? Theres a fresh beer in front of me. Is it mine? Samurai to Billy as we get a fourth dance in 80-32. Billy straight to the Shag as we are informed theres no chef. Billy gets his fifth as theres no doubt hes back, with Pamela out hes the X factor we desperately need 86-32. GG gives us a 7 for the hi 5s and dance. Crows shot is punched in the square. GG tells the manager with no chef we/d be happy to cook corn beef for the place. Manager says they still make that? Oh he needs to talk to the other manager about that reference. He loves us, Ol Corn Beef Man. Crows get a point which Huddo calls a magnificent point, at least he didn/t call it crucial. Wills to Rowdy Hyphen runs seven metres bang 92-33. Crows get two goals as Huddo says late joy for the crows. Yeah they/ll be dancing in the street over that, then he goes back to percentage. Billy goes for goal number six leads to nothing. Dunstall makes the statement the big boys play in September. Well they are grown men over the age of 18 I suppose they are big boys. Trav misses as we mention its Daisy Thomas last game today. Premiership Player for the Pies of Course, but in my mind i/ll always remember him as a Bagger. I just remember before he left he did the whole yeah I wanna stay but we goota nut out the contract blah blah blah. Then he also claimed he needed money in his pocket, yes because he would ave made no money playing seven years of footy, how much money you need? Anyway I never liked him, and him going to Carlton gave me a reason to dislike him. We all comment hes retiring so he can play kick to kick with Mick, hey both ave a lot of time from now on. Screwdriver goals as Pete is busy looking at Bernies phone 100-48. And then the moment I almost blew my load big time. THE SHAG HAS A SHOT, but falls well short. Sigh, next time. Samurai to Brownlow Speedboy 45 out gets his 3rd 112-48. Bernie walks in from the bar and says another goal? You cunts are greedy. And then it happens again SHAG HAS A SHOT as he marks 40 out to close the game im screaming me Fred and Pete are all on our feet this will be the greatest moment on modern football history of he lands this. Misses, GG says he sucked the air out of the room as we end the game on a sad note


PIES 114


Solid result after a slow start. Our best performance after the bye. My Dingley Correspondent Tim (who turns out is in Oakley) texted saying where the fuck was this the last few weeks?. The last few weeks only a handful of blokes played a decent game, wheres here I thought 90% of the fellas of the field put in a great performance.  Wills has been a great attrition, a real bastard which we need. And Roughead was great playing forward filling in for Cox which is a vital spot and Roughy has held his own. With Pamela the Gooster and Moore coming back it will add the x factor we need from Pamela and Gooie while Moore is the rock bookend we desperately need up back. We made finals and top 4 is still a possibility, things are looking alright. As mentioned it/s very open this year. Heres my prediction…….


Lets hope the season ends with a bang with the Dons on Friday. They/ve been up and down but they always bring it for us, so im expecting the unexpected. And given its Friday night we gotta get Fred from Johnnys to the Bala by 7:50, which is always interesting to see if the Molls will finish up at 7:30. I told everyone we needed that training camp at the bye, instead we watched the Number 96 movie, and im still trying to figure what the fuck happened in that movie. But thats for another rant.

Thats all for now, see yous at the Balaclava on Friday


Posted on 2 Comments

2 thoughts on “Round 22 v Crows

  1. the number 96 movie was riveting viewing as well as pure suspense and action pact great australian drama 4 stars

    1. i agree but what to watch next bye week?

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