Round 1 v Bulldogs

And just when you thought things could/t get any worse im back for another footy rant.

But in all seriousness, this is tough times and the next month is crucial. This will determine how long we ave to stay in lockdown for and how long several businesses will be closed for, and how far the virus wills pread. And while it/s sad footy has been halted for the time being it/s a good reminded that while it/s a great game, it is just a game and there/s certainly more important things, such as the general wellbeing on the population. For those in a tough spot, best of luck, hopefully everything and everyone will be safe and later on in the year when we return to the footy, either at the ground or the pub we/ll say hey remember that month we had to stay at home? So stay safe, stay inside as much as you can, wash your hands often, and of course listen to the Fall. These three things will keep you going. Ok, the sensible PSA is out the way, back to the normal rambling broadcast.

To say it/s a weird start to the season is an understatement. The week of the game certainly didn/t feel like footy season was about to start. Ive had sweet fuck all interest in the past week and barely read the news. Im unaware of who/s in the team. With a big question mark over businesses that my mates work for and also run, I can hardly get excited over the start of the season. Ive always said football was a release and a way to forget your troubles for a few hours a week, but with troubles everywhere I look and with the situation only going to get worse not better in the short term, it just feels like a moot point at this stage. Im not begrudging the AFL for pushing on with the season but the handling has been weak as piss.  I get it, it/s a hard call and not a situation to take lightly but to wait until 24 hours before the bounce is horrible management. They came out on Monday and said the season will be played over 17 rounds, oh but come back tomorrow to see if we/re on Thursday. Roll on Tuesday. Nah we/ll tell ya tomorrow. No wonder Gil has no respect. I just hope he was putting the fans and clubs best interest first and not his bank balance or that of the money coming in from the sponsors. And then there/s the poor fans, the ones that paid hard earned money to watch their beloved team play. I paid a fair bit of coin for my MCC membership, if it/s all pissed down the drain, ok fine. With the clubs thats where they make a fair chunk of the money that keeps em going with membership money, so it/s a tough one. But several hundred dollars to only watch a handful of games, if that, out of a projected 22? Or 23 I forget how many games there are in a regular season anymore. I feel for those that will see fuck all footy from their investment. Oh and to the players fighting a pay cut, yeah it sucks, but it sucks for everyone, at least you didn/t ave to line up at Centrelink like several people I know. So be grateful you got money coming in, stay home and train, and shut the fuck up you unappreciative pricks. Wanna swap with anyone I know in Hospo? Didn/t think so.

Anyway, with that out the way i/ll get to the actual game. Well what I can remember as im struggling to read my handwriting of my notes five days after the game.

I arrive at Surabaya Johnnys round 5ish to watch Fred and Dave and also with the task of escorting Fred to the Balaclava for the bounce. With the second set not commencing til 7 I decided I best escort myself. The CEO Pete is back from being on assignment and will met him at the office. As you could imagine the place is very quiet, so much so the footy aint on the big telly I break the seal and buy myself a pint of VB and settle into the booth. Alone. This aint no place to spend a Friday night alone. Im like Jerry in that episode of Seinfeld where he wants to see Plan 9 from Outer Space and everyone bails. What im supposed to make sarcastic comments to strangers? Anyway I find seven turn it up and settle in. Pete says he/ll be there in 20 and Freds still on stage so im flying the flag alone. Finally the bounce. Shag to Noble Matrix to the Samurai, Bruce intercepts the kick but cant hold Speedboy hands off to Dole Cheque who runs it over. I see some kind of support for 7 # . Fuck right off. No one can go to the games but you’re trying to make it sound like you’re the heroes. You wanna be heroes? Please forever spear us from Roaming Brian and Richo. Speaking of Richo, no fans are allowed but that let this daft fool inside to roam around? As my mate Geezer would say, sakes. Madigan to Howe to the Gooster, god he has a shit haircut.  Cox is the target cant hold on the first attempt but second attempt he aint gonna drop. Looks bad off the boot but it hit the target. 12-0. Ah fuck I forgot to record the first goal. Oh well. And im amazed. Ive listened to Luke Hodge for a few minutes and hes yet to say something stoopid. Meanwhile Richo says defenders need to defend more. How much does he earn again? Screwdriver given a free from a high hit. Bulldog complains. It was high, just cop it. Samurai is the target and hes given a free for in the back. Again Dogs complain but Luke Hodge says because the Samurai is tall he gets a pass on that as opposed to a smaller player. Keep going Hodgy I like your work. Threepeat 18-0.  JB says Eddie is at home and given his box  to Rowdy Brown and his family. Hey Eddie how about given me Fred and Pete the box next time? I can write about the game Fred can do the drawings, Pete will be the CEO. AND FUCK ME THEY/VE CALLED LAST DRINKS AT 8PM. Oh this is serious now. Its 8pm and 3 and ½ quartiers of football left to go. Anyway Samurai gets a twopeat and Pies get a fourpeat. Gooster kicks to Dogs helmet head. . im noticing so many pink boots. No opinion on it just pointing it out.  So pies kick another Gils brother says Pies fans will like that. Again I question who is Dumb and Dumber in that family. JB not to be outdone says the Dogs need a goal. And they get one 6-24. Hammer says he wishes you were here. I hope to never be in the same room as that man. Unless I get to pull the string from a cannon that Hammers inside.  Shag Screwdriver Sidie Son of Rowdy, Adams turn over, Crisp who also has a shit haircut. Matrix Shag, Sidie, back to Shag Billy the other son of Rowdy, Shag again. Col enters the pub I ask wheres Fred. Says he was still going on stage when he left. Son of Rowdy from 20 passes to other Son of Rowdy. Bang 32-6.

Quarter Time

Pies 32

Dogs 6

Gils brother says good start to the Pies for the first quarter of 2020. I guess his brother didn/t mention there was a game last night. Pete and Fred at some point enter. Dole Cheque free to Cox  gets his second 39-6.  Richo is now behind the goals. Please aim for his head. Another good kick from Dole Cheque as we all shout Everybody Loves Raymond 48-6. We see a photo of Wayne Carey from 30 years ago. I don/t know why as he was a cunt then as he is now. Speaking of cunts, we scream Everybody Loves Raymond as Dole Cheque goals again. Fuck Raymond I don/t love him.  As the front bar is closed Keith shouts out DoggiesShag has the ball. Well Brownlow betting is suspended. Hes on fire. Waz, or Col puts a jinx on us by saying the Dogies will come back and they do. My notes are a mess so im just gonna leave you with the half time score and try and read harder for the second half

Half Time

Pies 54

Dogs 24

You know with all this theres no little league and one positive is we are speared those poor kids that are interviewed by Gils brother on the coverage. Wrong. Instead they do it via the phone. Aint these kids suffered enough, cant go to Auskick now they get a McLachlan ringing em. Adams loses the ball Krebs picks it up Sidie back to Adams to the Hyphen back to Howe. Dole Cheque to Son of Rowdy the first Matrix Howe Screwdriver drops it Nobel hold on SHAG hes on fire. Hyphen good hit Richo says Dogs need more contested marks. Sigh. Can you please go back to Tassie and stay there. Matrix finds Dole Cheque outstanding 60-24. Gooster gives bang straightaway and Billy has a great pass to Speedboy to make it 67-30.  I wrote fuck all notes I think because we didn/t focus and where talking about Don Lane. Anyway…..

3 Quarter Time

Pies 67

Dogs 32.

As I light up a fag Swedish Chris Rob and Rose are all on the blower to me, all with praise for the Pies. I write something back to Rose which neither of us can understand. So again my notes fail me, I wrote Shag (thats good) Samurai (thats good) Adams Howe Krebbs (again all good) then English marks (thats bad). But the next thing I wrote was Billys Matrix goal (thats good) 73-33. We get up and dance, as Hi 5s aint allowed for the time being. Pete asks the question, what are we gonna get for compensation? Our whole preseason has been for nothing. The training camp, the weekend watching the Number 96 movie (best lawn bowls scene ever) all for nothing. Anyway Richo is in the stands now. Gils brother says get on the roof, Richo says im scared of heights. Coward. Oh Adams scores 80-33. Dogs ave a bloke called Eastern. We all agree what a shit name. Crisp gets the last one. Gee we played really well for a game we didn/t focus on. So much so I check the TV guide to see whats on when we get home. Oh Lethal Weapon 2, with the all important bomb on the toilet scene.  I remember Russell Gilbert doing that on that Saturday night show he had, where hes a cop and his sidekick is a dummy. They had Gilbo on the bog with the bomb deactivated, then it was to be continued. I never saw the end of that. Please send me a link if you know what happened next. Oh and we all agree the Shag should get the Brownlow now.

See we did focus a bit


Pies 86

Dogs 34

Solid start to the Pies, a lot of positives to take out of it. Son of Rowdy the second was great, Noble was outstanding, and my boy the Shag, well hes a future hall of famer. Don/t argue with me.

And then the everything stopped on Sunday. And I will say this about Gil, he at least had the foresight to stop this before the government came in and said no more. Mind you I think this was a universal thumbs down so I think he also saw the public reaction and thought yeah no more. Again I don/t hold anything against em for going ahead but if it was this weird I wold ave said fuck it lets start again in May. So yeah thats where we/re at. I popped into my conference room Misery Guts on Sunday for a final drink before everythings closed. I saw Horse from the Large Number 12s. We shook hands told me he loved me and said see you when it/s all back to normal. You too Horsie. Saddest part was when Linda, landlord of the Balaclava was standing next to Corn Beef and she said where are these guys gonna go now? Not just us, Keith Costa and that bloke that calls me Nathalia boy. Sigh.

Sorry to be a downer. Hey, how bout those Pies.

Hopefully will be back on this page sooner then later, in the meantime im gonna go hard on the Matty Munster Rock Jurno page so look out for plenty of new content soon


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